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Mall food and baby seal clubbing - Last night's nerd dinner

Well, you guys missed it again.

Last night's nerd dinner may have been the best yet. There was a good turnout and a good time was had by all.

Among the present were: Doug, Rich (Rich is a student in Scott Hanselman's C# class, which is pretty cool), Kori, John, John, John, Jim, Chris, me, and Rick.

Smiles all round, and we did the things that a bunch of MS apologist .NET nerds do when they get together:

  • Discussed ways of wiping Linux clean off the face of this goodly frame, the Earth
  • Plotted world domination with Longhorn (if the world as we know it still exists when Longhorn ships)
  • Bought a few small businesses and made the former owners very wealthy. I bet they hated that. Poor little guys...
  • Got "Linus Torvald-ass" tattoos.
  • Then, of course, no MS-centric .NET nerd dinner would be complete if we didn't engage in the ritual baby seal clubbing. Only problem was finding a baby seal clubbing zoo open that late, but it looks like they've got an all-nighter around 33rd and Broadway. They also gave us a group discount, so I'm definitely going back there for all my baby seal clubbing needs. I think the other guys were happy with it too, but a couple complained that they had been given children’s whiffle "trainer" clubs, which are hollow and do much less damage. Still, though, for the money (one flat fee - none of this per-baby seal crap like all the other places do it), you really can't beat (get the pun? ha ha) Rolando's All Night Baby Seal Clubbing Emporium. If you go, then tell them "The Neopoleon guy" sent you, and they'll give you a non-league standard club with a spike in it at no extra cost.

Ah, yes. It's so nice to be able to hang out with the "borg" and borg associates.

Nothing can replace that wonderful feeling that I get in my heart when I know that I'm helping to stomp out OSS in every form.

'Cause that's all we do, you know.

Except for the brief moment when I got to pick the brain of Mr. Longhorn-dev-center himself, Chris Sells, with some questions I had about XAML. It's so cool having someone who's on the "inside," right there, eating constipation-guaranteed mall food with you, to answer your questions about a technology which is (to many of us) brand spanking new. Not having to wait for the newsgroup/blog/email delay. Just getting an, "Oh, well, that's because..." answer immediately. Awesome.

I think the best quote of the night, though, goes to Jim. We were talking about various MS certifications when Chris (Developmentor, MS, author, etc.) with his bubbling enthusiasm asked, "So, what about me? Could I pass these 'MCAD' tests?"

Jim looked at Chris with a solemn eye. "Well," he began, with the paternal look of concern for a wayward son on his face, "there's a lot of real world stuff in those tests..."

Chris let his gaze drop to his lap, where it remained for a moment before conversation continued, albeit a little uneasily.

Life is a bitch, and truth...

Well, she is a harsh mistress.

Published Wednesday, November 12, 2003 11:58 PM by Rory

Filed Under:

Comments

 

john said:

don't forget about the part where we all did the choreographed microsoft dittohead dance number and all the food court patrons cheered and threw quarters.

uh, yeah.
November 13, 2003 12:11 AM
 

Josh said:

Perhaps Scott could give Chris a discount on his C# class? That, in addition to intensive tutoring by Jim, may give Chris the edge he needs.
November 13, 2003 12:17 AM
 

Rory said:

"Perhaps Scott could give Chris a discount on his C# class?"

One of the things I love about the nerd community is that we're always willing to help out our brethren when they're down on their luck.

Last night, in fact, I finally taught Chris how to make C# go beep. He'd been bugging me about it ever since I can remember, and I wanted to help get him the edge in any interviews he might have should this whole "years of proven success as an instructor and consultant, now with an important job at Microsoft" thing not pan out.

But that's just me, you know? That's my nature.

I like to help people.
November 13, 2003 12:28 AM
 

JRE said:

"...engage in the ritual baby seal clubbing"

Man, that brings back memories when we used to go out and club MS sluths with a big penguin. Extra points for certified dittoheads.

Now I just drive them over with my car. Its just not the same, you know.
November 13, 2003 1:27 AM
 

Bryan Batchelder said:

While this is clearly tongue-in-cheek, it does remind me of a very recent user group meeting I was at where the anti-linux and anti-open source quotient was very high - stupidly high. Like it was cool to make little remarks about how deficient Linux/Open Source is.

I just don't understand it. And I know that all these anti-open source guys prolly have no clue about Mono and how far its come. No idea what kind of solutions they could make now that managed code and web services and ASP.NET can run on a linux box. But thats icky.
November 13, 2003 3:04 AM
 

JRE said:

Rory, its good that you meet with your peers so you can reinforce your faith in Microsoft, I bet you feel better already. Indoctrination doesn't work if someone keeps questioning your beliefs.

Seriously though, I'm not asking anyone to give up .NET. You do what ever you feel is right for you. It dosent make sense to choose tech for idealistic reasons. I think most .NET folks are normal (seal clubbing) people and unaware (in denile, dont care) of the goals and actions of Gates & Co. Instead, just dont support the negative Linux/OSS/Java sentiment.


I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I guess all MS bashing have made me insensitive. I know you are metrosexual and take things personally och are really hurt inside. I should have considered that.

Alltough I must confess, I don't understand the difference between a metrosexual and a male bitch.
November 13, 2003 5:38 AM
 

Rory said:

My dearest JRE,

I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of running your last comment through a spell checker (had to shut down all other apps, though, as CPU usage suddenly shot up to 100% when my computer was confronted with that discombobulated mass of mental retardation - Word actually stopped about five minutes into checking, let out a long breath, asked if it had to keep going, mentioned something about union rights and a complaint it was going to file, crossed its arms, swore, and continued - at the end, my PC got up and walked away, saying that it had never before been subjected to such abuse, and that if it hurried, it could catch the 5:19 to a "happier part of town" - I haven't heard from it since, but don't worry: I'll bill you).

Witty though your insults were, they were actually slightly less offensive than your grammar, which took a bit of the sting out of what you were trying to say. Since I don't want anyone to have an unfair advantage around here, I thought I'd help you out a little. You know, get some more mileage out of your incredible wrath.

Here, then, is the spell check corrected version of your comment. Thank you for visiting Neopoleon.com, and don't forget: I kiss you.

JRE (corrected spelling version):

Rory, it’s good that you meet with your peers so you can reinforce your faith in Microsoft, I bet you feel better already. Indoctrination doesn't work if someone keeps questioning your beliefs.

Seriously though, I'm not asking anyone to give up .NET. You do what ever you feel is right for you. It doesn’t make sense to choose tech for idealistic reasons. I think most .NET folks are normal (seal clubbing) people and unaware (in denial, don’t care) of the goals and actions of Gates & Co. Instead, just don’t support the negative Linux/OSS/Java sentiment.


I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I guess all MS bashing have made me insensitive. I know you are metrosexual and take things personally ouch are really hurt inside. I should have considered that.

Although I must confess, I don't understand the difference between a metrosexual and a male bitch.
November 13, 2003 6:00 AM
 

Rory said:

"While this is clearly tongue-in-cheek, it does remind me of a very recent user group meeting I was at where the anti-linux and anti-open source quotient was very high - stupidly high. Like it was cool to make little remarks about how deficient Linux/Open Source is."

I've encountered that as well. What *really* bothers me is that, not only do those people often not know much (if anything) about OSS, they often don't know anything about the technology that is the subject of the user group meeting. I think that they might be binding together in a pseudo hatred of OSS so that they can feel more confident in the face of their lack of knowledge about .NET (or whatever the meeting's about).

It's an understandable behavior, but irritating all the same - Especially if you actually *do* like OSS, and one of them turns to you, laughing at an OSS joke, and says, "RIGHT?! I MEAN, YOU GET IT, RIGHT?!"

*That's* irritating.

It reminds me of times that I've been somewhere with a group of people who suddenly busted out with a bunch of racist "humor." They're cracking each other up, feeling like they're getting away with something. Then they look at me, wait for me to laugh, and realize after a few minutes that my unfriendly gaze isn't even remotely about to break into a warm laugh. It's a pretty uncomfortable feeling.

It's that breed of unspoken, spontaneous free-masonry that erupts in groups of the incredibly insecure. There's always at least one person in the room who isn't part of the "group" and who thinks the whole thing stinks.
November 13, 2003 6:28 AM
 

bliz said:

ok, rory, now you've done it. i'm waiting in the emergency room -- my wife busted her gut reading your post.

i didn't see anything humorous about the post at all... in fact, i found it quite offensive.

i used to have a baby seal for a pet until someone stole it ... and then probably sold it to one of those clubbing places. the memory is too much to bear.

but my wife... she almost *died*

wait a sec... i never owned a seal.

and the post? absolutely fabulous!
November 13, 2003 6:33 AM
 

Craig Andera said:

I think I have to meet you some day. :)
November 13, 2003 6:52 AM
 

JRE said:

You nitpicking bastard...

Well, english is not my native language. Before this conversation deteriorates any further I'm going to leave you alone, unless you keep bringing the subject up. You can go back to blogging about homoerotic dreams about Sting and try convince yourself that you support the OSS movement. Don't get me wrong, your earlier posts where very funny, and I actually don't have anything against you personally. If you remove the insults from my previous post I meant what I said.

Btw, your correction isn't exactly accurate it should read "and", not "ouch".

You might have to run this through a spelling corrector in order to understand what I'm trying to communicate. I guess it can all be be summed up by a hand gesture.
November 13, 2003 7:29 AM
 

rick said:

Question for JRE (you *know* you won't be able to stay away):

Do you have a blog or web site or other means of direct contact? If so, please post it. I'm pretty fair at hurling small minded insults and am itching to serve you up a helping or two.

[Rory, I almost apologize for adding to this but I've developed a rash reading the squeaky voiced rantings of this JRE woman. I think it only fair that if she is going to leave foul comments on a popular blog that she should at least leave a means of contact so that discussions about her imbecilic proselytizing can be carried on within her own space.]

So, JRE...wanna step up? Have a little converse about how it is that your panties ended up wound into such a tight knot? I'm game for some word play and insult slinging, so let's dance, babe.
November 13, 2003 8:23 AM
 

Scott said:

Man, they really must have changed the MS certification tests if they contain actual REAL-WORLD material. I still remember taking the VB 6.0 desktop one. What an exercise in mental masturbation that was "What obscure property that doesn't work correctly would you use in this situation?" <groan/>
November 13, 2003 10:49 AM
 

Rory said:

"You nitpicking bastard..."

JRE -

I tried, and I mean that I *really* tried, as in spent *hours* writing over the past few days in an attempt to communicate to the world that I am *not* anti-OSS. You didn't buy it, kept coming back to stir up more trouble, and never even deigned to leave any contact info.

That's pretty irritating. Granted, there aren't any rules or laws of conduct here, but if you *really* care about getting to the bottom of an issue, then there are ways other than pure shit slinging to do it.

I don't think you're stupid, and I have nothing against you. I had already figured out that your native language wasn't English, but I'm not going to hold back the insults if you aren't:

"Alltough I must confess, I don't understand the difference between a metrosexual and a male bitch."

Don't try to tell me that you weren't attempting to be at least a little offensive there.

You've been baiting my blog for a couple days now, and I finally bit. Don't start moping just because you got what (I thought) you wanted.

The truth is, as far as I'm concerned, you're perfectly welcome here. But if you start slinging shit, then it's going to come back around to you.

"I actually don't have anything against you personally. If you remove the insults from my previous post I meant what I said."

Here's a lesson that I learned during all of this bickering: If you don't want to be misunderstood, then just go the extra step to be as clear as you possibly can about something, and remove all unneeded context.

In other words, *don't* count on someone "removing the insults from your previous posts" for you, because they probably won't do it.

So, that said, I'd be honored if you remained and conversed on occasion, but coming in here with your guns blaring all the time isn't going to make you any friends.

JRE: I kiss you.
November 13, 2003 11:40 AM
 

Rory said:

"I think I have to meet you some day. :)"

Craig Andera - Wow :)

If you and I ever happen to be in a geographically convenient location for the purpose of getting together to consume a beer, soda, anti-freeze, or whatever it is that you prefer to drink, then, by all means, I think............

Sorry. Just lost my train of thought. Thought I heard someone call my name from below (I live above a pretty busy street), but it turns out that, thank heavens, I was just hallucinating. It's a little too late for unexpected visitors on a work night.

Anyway, yeah - Let's get a beer someday.
November 13, 2003 11:44 AM
 

Robin Debreuil said:

"..Word actually stopped about five minutes into checking..."

I had a word processor like that once too. It was probably converting to html first, and simply ran out of memory.

"..let out a long breath, asked if it had to keep going.."

I think you are supposed to make the change/continue selection at that point. That really should be more obvious in the UI, not your fault.
November 13, 2003 1:12 PM
 

Craig Andera said:

Well, I'm a subscriber, so I'll keep an eye on the blog and let you know if we're ever in the same region. Washington DC isn't exactly close to Portland, but I get around a little. Too bad I missed the PDC!
November 13, 2003 8:18 PM
 

bryan said:

what the hell? you actually club seals?? please tell me that you are joking
February 20, 2004 4:01 AM
 

bryan said:

what the hell? you actually club seals?? please tell me that you are joking
February 20, 2004 4:02 AM
 

bryan said:

club seals as in beat the shit out of them wiht a club right?
February 20, 2004 4:04 AM
 

Rory said:

Bryan -

"club seals as in beat the shit out of them wiht a club right?"

As in: it's a joke.

The idea is that many people on this planet, for reasons I'll never understand, think that Microsoft is a horrible, seal-clubbing company, so I was playing with that perception by presenting the idea that no dinner with MS employees/groupies could have been complete without a good seal clubbing.

The answer, then, is no: We don't club baby seals.

I'm surprised I had to explain that, but whatever...
February 20, 2004 4:13 AM
 

TrackBack said:

MCAD Tests...could Chris Sells pass one?
November 13, 2003 5:31 AM
 

TrackBack said:

The truth about the last Portland nerd dinner...
November 13, 2003 10:22 AM
 

TrackBack said:

Seal clubbing - the game (almost)
January 25, 2004 1:18 PM
 

TrackBack said:

Seal clubbing - the game (almost)
January 25, 2004 3:41 PM
 

TrackBack said:

MCAD Tests...could Chris Sells pass one?
January 31, 2005 12:58 PM
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