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I'm a bad man

I punched an attendee at today’s MSDN Event.

He came up to the podium and admitted to being the guy who left the negative comment in my first pillow post.

He offered himself for punishment. At first I refused, but then I realized that I don’t have many opportunities to wail on attendees, so I socked him.

He’s also, like, twice my size and totally could have kicked my ass, but didn’t. I just punched him. And now we’re even.

I’m home now, and it’s late, and I’m tired because I just drove home from Redmond during rush-hour traffic. But, after the traffic dissipated, I got into a race with a new Mustang Cobra and learned that, not only was I able to pull away from him in my CooperWorks Mini, but that my car does 140 miles an hour with plenty of room to spare.

I wonder how close I am to getting fired for posting all of this in relation to today’s event.

To change the subject, I’m tired and cranky, and I have neighbors on one side who keep slamming their dog against the wall:

[SLAM] “Yip!”

[SLAM] “Yip!”

[SLAM] “Yip!”

Then, on the other side of the wall, I have a neighbor who keeps going:

“FUCK.”

“OH, FUCK.”

“FUUUUUUUUUCK.”

FUCK!”

Then I saw an ad on LinkedIn for consultant-recruiters in Australia and thought, “Hey – if I lose my job because I hit an attendee and then drove home recklessly, maybe I can just move to Australia and get rich while getting a cancerous melanoma.”

[SLAM] “Yip!”

FUUUUUUUCK!

I’m going to bed.

Published Friday, May 12, 2006 6:36 AM by Rory

Filed Under: , ,

Comments

 

reckless recruiter said:

pfft, australia? it's not big enough. you need to go to a way better country. perhaps a country with the worlds largest bird. until we ate them.

besides they can't play rugby - and you don't want that on your conscience do you?

you sure you havn't got the neighbour with the dog confused with the other neighbour? sleep well. hope your neighbours don't influence your dreams...

"CooperWorks Mini"
fast and small, eh? vs large and ... gas ... thusty....
yeah didn't think that metaphor through.
May 12, 2006 7:28 AM
 

Rory said:

kiwi -

"sleep well. hope your neighbours don't influence your dreams..."

Awesome :) I hadn't thought of the possibilities...

[SLAM] "Yip!" "Oh, FUUUUUUUCK" "Yip! Yip!" [SLAM, SLAM, SLAM] "Yip!" "FUCK, YEAH, FUCK!!!" "Yip!" [SLAP, SLAP] "Yip!"

Yup. Pretty awful.

But it could be interesting.

And I'm a lonely guy.
May 12, 2006 7:34 AM
 

reckless recruiter said:

>[SLAM] "Yip!" "Oh, FUUUUUUUCK" "Yip! Yip!" [SLAM, SLAM, SLAM] "Yip!" "FUCK, YEAH, FUCK!!!" "Yip!" [SLAP, SLAP] "Yip!"

hahahaha - oh thats brilliaht!
let alone out of context
May 12, 2006 8:30 AM
 

NICE! said:

Popped in my DVD from yesterdays event and saw your face with a Visit My Blog link, clicked it and this is the post I see. Nice!

Sounds like you do want a change of scenery, first punching a guy, having Firefox and iTunes on your Microsoft issued presentation laptop :-) Using Firefox in your presentation just to see the obvious... MS shit don't work on anything non MS. Comparing C# to Java… and that was just in one day ;-)

Nice!

Hey Rory, coming from Java background, do you think that Java's slow performance on Windows is a design thing on purpose by MS? It seems to run screaming fast in native environment and even Linux. I am too an x-Java dev, seduced by $$$ offered in the Northwest to MS devs, I havent touched java in a couple of years, but then I thought the development was easier in .net in terms of IDE, and web server setup (yea, I'm a web dev)
May 12, 2006 5:10 PM
 

Rory said:

"Sounds like you do want a change of scenery, first punching a guy, having Firefox and iTunes on your Microsoft issued presentation laptop :-)"

1. I vote my conscience. I'm at Microsoft right now because I think MS is doing the best stuff (in general tech), and great things outside (specifically: Gates Foundation). I love new opportunities and experiences, but I'll be at MS for a while unless I see something that I find reprehensible. Which I don't.

2. One of the cool things about working for MS is that I *can* have Firefox and iTunes on my machine (which, by the way, *isn't* MS-issued - I even noted during the presentation (always important to listen!) that it was a personal machine). I work at a company where I was allowed to get in an argument with the CEO in front of 7,000 employees without getting fired. MS is anything *but* Big Brother. It's actually, in many ways, a very open, free-thinking environment. It seems to be all the people who *don't* work for MS who think otherwise. Consider this blog - I don't get any grief over it *at all*. I did at first, but then my managers realized that the majority of customers actually like to see that *real* people work for Microsoft who don't just walk the company line and try at all times to talk through their ties and starched collars. There's a reason, my friend, that this blog gets almost 1,000,000 page views a month. I don't know what that reason is, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I'm not a blog press-release machine.

3. I love iTunes. I also love Windows. It is possible. I also run Windows Media Player on my two Macs at home. Yes: I own multiple Apples. Purchased them for other people, too. Not only do I love my Apples, but they help me understand what the competition is doing. MS employees should be *encouraged* to own Apples, use iTunes, and try Firefox (although, and this is just me talking (not the company), I can't stand Firefox. I'm an IE/Safari guy).


"Using Firefox in your presentation just to see the obvious... MS shit don't work on anything non MS."

I was actually using it at the request of one of the attendees, and all it proved was that some layout functionality for ASP.NET 2.0 Web Parts doesn't work in Firefox (at least not the way I was doing it - just because I don't know how doesn't mean it isn't possible). Wouldn't you agree that this is added value for the attendees and that they should know about such shortcomings? Finally, demonstrating that *one* feature of *one* control doesn't work on *one* browser is rather weak argument in favor of the idea that "...MS shit don't work on anything non MS."

"Comparing C# to Java… and that was just in one day ;-)"

Why wouldn't I do that? They're obviously related, and it can help the Java devs in the audience understand C# if I talk about them in terms of each other.

Plus, one of the things I was talking about was the POS implementation of generics in Java 1.5 (or 5.0, depending on which bit of Sun marketing you pay attention to).

"...coming from Java background, do you think that Java's slow performance on Windows is a design thing on purpose by MS?"

Uh. Are you serious?

We're kind of busy with writing new software, promoting it, and selling it. How Java runs on Windows is a problem left to whoever created the runtime. If you're using the Sun reference runtime and it runs like shit, then turn to Sun.

Hell. They weren't even able to get Java performing well on Solaris. Don't know if they were ever fixed, but there were *huge* memory leak bugs with aspects of the runtime when on a Solaris box. I'm surprised you didn't bring this up.

The three best implementations of Java I've ever seen:

1. Linux - as of 1.4, Java performance was greatly improved - I'm guessing that this is because of Sun's own push toward the platform in some areas

2. IBM AS400 - IBM provides the ability to compile the Java down to a native binary (with varying degrees, actually), and performance is fantastic. It's a great platform for Java.

3. OS X - While performance might not be so hot, Java's integration with OS X was expertly done. If I had to do *any* Java work on the desktop (something I try to avoid at all costs), I'd go with Apple.

Anyway, not being either a Sun Java tech or a Windows internals guy, I'm not going to speculate on any performance issues. For all I know, Sun may have intentionally created a shitty runtime for Windows to drive Java users away from our OS. Ever think of that? Obviously not.

"I am too an x-Java dev, seduced by $$$ offered in the Northwest to MS devs"

So... you don't vote your conscience.

I don't even know why we're having this discussion, then, or why you should care about the performance of various platforms.

It sounds like, as long as you're getting paid, you couldn't care less.
May 12, 2006 7:05 PM
 

PatrickQG said:

By gum Rory, that comment sounded almost... real. Maybe your neighbours are really getting to you.
May 12, 2006 7:53 PM
 

George said:

Well Rory, I think the comment above from you can count as your moment of sincerity today. It's good to see you sticking with the goals you set for yourself.

Nicely done.
May 12, 2006 7:59 PM
 

Stephen said:

So, How'd the MINI feel for stability at 140+? My wife's Cooper is electronically limited at 110, so I never have had the chance to figure it out.
May 12, 2006 9:55 PM
 

Rory said:

Stephen -

It was actually *very* stable, but my guess that it's because it's meant to be driven on the Autobahn.

I have no such electronic limiter - I regularly took it up to 115 during the trip. The 140 was my final farewell to the Mustang.
May 12, 2006 11:09 PM
 

Ian said:

Gotta love German Engineering!
I nabbed a Merc E230 Diesel from our UK office for a while when I was back there. That thing was like a rocket - incredibly smooth and comfortable but felt like a race car when you stuck your toe down.
Unlike my 5.0ltr V8 truck with it's 4 and a bit 1000 of revs and speedometer that pegs out at 85. whats up with that?! What did they do with the other 1/2 of the engine !

Actually, the original mini was also deceptively quick, despite having a way less powerfull engine than the new model. No weight and insanely low center of gravity meant they got rallied a lot, and with great success.
May 14, 2006 5:10 PM
 

Mr Angry said:

I'm just trying to imagine how I'd react if I was your manager. I don't blame them at all for their intial reaction of giving you grief but it's to their immense credit (manager specifically and MS generally) that you aren't hassled for it now.

I think I would have started with "Rory, what the fuck are you doing saying crazy shit and identifying yourself as an MS employess" then moved to "Rory, what the fuck are you doing saying all that personal stuff while using your real identity" and eventually collapsed into "Rory, what the fuck?"

One of the many reasons I'm not a manager at MS. Another is I'm not smart enough.
May 15, 2006 6:23 AM
 

josh highland said:

one of the best blog posts that I think I have ever read.

was the guy shocked that you took him to fist city?
May 15, 2006 4:00 PM
 

Maryam said:

Hey we're not taking convicts any more... that's so last century!
May 16, 2006 5:35 AM
 

dave said:

Good ! so you dont leave a single chance to take revenge. And what if he might ve kicked you back?
Now i cant resist mocking at you after imagining the aftermath of this.):

Anyways, its very interesting blog of yours.
May 23, 2006 6:15 AM
 

Scott said:

Found this usercontrol on www.smartjungle.com which provides a WebParts control to get AJAX capabilities and complete Firefox

compatibility with no extra code

http://www.smartjungle.com

Demos:
http://www.smartjungle.com/Demos.aspx
July 24, 2006 7:03 AM
 

TrackBack said:

Comic - Air Travel #4: Proof That People Are Getting Smarter
May 16, 2006 6:58 AM
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About Rory

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