Heh, "Canuck" isn't derogatory -- we even have a hockey team named the "Vancouver Canucks". But the word "derogatory" should be in your spell check dictionary. ;)

Crap! That's what I get for boozing it up before posting.

I'd go back and correct it, but some things are just too appropriate.

'Course, I never even would have written this post if it hadn't been for those stupid canucks...

Yeah, us stupid Canadians...yep, stupid enough to take on a 3rd world nation 'cuz they have big bad WMDs....NOT.

Just remember, we kicked your ass the last time our countries fought each other. So, signing up for free e-mail is the best you can do for revenge? Of course you realize that your action makes you a 'canuck'. You haven't been denied membership as a 'canuck', why? Because we accept those who are different from us, yes even Americans.

I was disappointed to know that blame@canada.com was taken. =(

Similarily missing from the spellcheck is 'asshat' and 'fucktard', which on more than one occasion has resulted in considerable social discomfort.

Hey Rory ... Speaking of stupid Canadians(of which I am a proud one), how about all those "brilliant Americans"? :-)

http://www.canoe.ca/TelevisionShowsT/talkingtoamericans.html

I love that show! I guess I'm different from most Americans then since I grew up 3 miles from Canada and both my mother and younger brother graduated from Canadian Universities. You want to hear a really good one? Somebody asked me the other day what the Capital of Canada was, I asked them if they meant the Capital of Canada itself or the Capital of one of the Provinces IE B.C. They weren't sure they didn't know Canada had smaller pieces than the whole country so they were going to have to get back to me. Heh. I love being in GIS here in the good old USA. If you think that question is bad you should hear some of the ones I get about our own country. One of these days I'm going to put together a list of all the stupid questions I get and publish it. Questions like "is south up or down from here?" and other classics.

DISCLAIMER: THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY RORY BLYTH ARE NOT THE OPINIONS OF ALL AMERICANS. IN ADDITION, RORY BLYTH HAS AGREED TO HOLD HARMLESS ALL SAID AMERICANS FOR HIS SLANTED VIEW AND WILL GLADLY ACCEPT ANY AND ALL LEGAL RECOURSE DESIRED BY SAID CANADIANS (AKA "CANUCKS").

Yeah, and Americans are stupid too. They gave me a free @hotmail.com account. And I didn't even use my real phone number (tee hee).

Some yankee is gonna feel stupid.

No need for that crap - I once enjoyed your blog. I actually thought you were witty and creative - now I know your a dick head living in a box who thinks he superior to the rest of the world because you been a loser all your life.

There is no need for these type of derogitory sentiments. Are you a cross burner as well? And no, I'm not Canadian.

is it me or has people's sensitivity meter been turned way way up in the last 10 years or so?

"is it me or has people's sensitivity meter been turned way way up in the last 10 years or so?"

Yup.

And the funny thing about this (for me, anyway) is that the reason I found canada.com is that I wanted information on Montreal - I've been wanting to visit for a long time, and moving to the east coast would get me much closer to that bit of Canada. I figured that now was the time to start investigating a trip.

It's so odd to me that people are so blinded by the whole 90s PC movement that they can't even enjoy a little joke like this.

The 1990s did for humor what the 1890s did for sex: Everybody's uptight, everything is untouchable, and joy is not allowed...

Disclaimer: I'm Canadian AND American AND Quebecois (no, really)

Several points:
0) This if funny (no, not the funniest thing you've ever done), but funny enough to while away 60 seconds of my worthless life on.

1) This post was satire, chill. Also please refer to "Jonathan Swift - A Modest Proposal" or SNL or "The Daily Show" for other examples.

2) Try to remember what we all have in common, Our snowboarders are smoking the same kind of weed, our east coast fisherman are all gizzled and poverty-stricken and we both have problems with annoying countries to the south of us sending people over we don't want :)

"Just kidding"

Richard

"Try to remember what we all have in common"

Basically everything, except that the two years I spent in college here in the states came out to over $60,000, and I have to pay gajillions of dollars each year to ensure that I won't owe another ridiculously large amount of money should my appendix need removing.

I have a friend (Canadian, as a matter of fact) who lives here in Portland, and now owes around $30,000 for an appendix removal operation he just had. He didn't have insurance (can't afford it (works in a restaurant that doesn't give him health insurance)), and now he's stuck with the bill.

So, we don't have *that* in common, but just about everything else feels the same...

Blows my mind that people get so worked up over something before really giving it any thought.

I for one, found this funny. Did people really think you had some devious plan to steal an e-mail address from canada.com?

But you know what was really funny? The picture on the link for your local paper (http://www.oregonian.com/insideline/ilmain.html) of a man with an 80's haircut holding a prehistoric big-block looking cell phone. Real "with the times" at Inside Line, aren't they?!

I was hoping somebody would mention the phone :)

That's thing's awesome - Like talking into a gigantic square shoe.

You can almost imagine the tumor being created as the seconds roll by while Mr. Bigshot makes and breaks deals around the world... That's the kind of phone that makes people yell "SELL! SELL!" while in public.

On the "in common" deal- having spend 4 years in the US following 28 in Canada a few differences spring to mind (aside from healthcare):

- Race relations. It's less of a deal in anywhere I lived in Canada (Vancouver, Ottawa, Toronto) than in Chicago. Races are more divided here; the workforce, friendships all seem to divide along racial lines more often

- Soft drinks have SUGAR in them in Canada; here they have high fructose corn syrup (due to the US' protectionist sugar tariffs, I presume)

- Baking flour is also different. Canadian and American recipes involving white flour don't translate 1:1

- Back to healthcare for a moment: the care I got at Rush and Northwestern hospitals here is way better than anything I got in Canada in terms of accoutrements, if not of care.

- Lawsuits. You can sue for ANYTHING here in the US.

Dont worry about offending us Canadians, we wont nuke your ass or anything. We dont belive in killing cus of a simple difference in opinion or beliefs.

Up in the frozen north here we take every chance to make fun of you Americans, most likely because of the pure ignorance in some/most(?) of your population.

Heck you should see this commercial airing during hockey games (a game played with a bunch of men with sticks chasing a little plastic/rubber puck around trying to get it into each others net), its a Molson commercial. Its a clip when Armstrong played golf on the moon, just as he was about to hit the ball, he gets hit in the head with a hockey puck...It flips to a Canadian with a hockey stick, "Uhh, Ottawa we got a problem here". Its a must see. (btw. Ottawa is a city in Canada).

-Rob
A Proud Canuck

> is it me or has people's sensitivity meter been turned way way up in the last 10 years or so?"

>Yup.

No you're just not funny at all and you think you are. Your shitck is boring and stupid.

I've seen that commercial, and IT IS DAMN FUNNY. It portrays the true nature of the American public. Only us 'Canucks' really know the true meaning of humour.

As for offering canada.com email addresses, what's the big deal? It's nothing different from what hotmail.com offers, and yes I did signup for an hotmail account using a local pizza store number. When the hotmail guys try to contact me, they better be hungry :)

I AM CANADIAN

So... if you made a harmless gay joke or a harmless joke about being Jewish... that would be OK as well?

Dear "Not reading anymore" -

"No you're just not funny at all and you think you are. Your shitck is boring and stupid."

Although you are semi-anonymous by not leaving a name, you *are* leaving an IP address each time you comment (207.252.44.78), and your threats to take off would be *much* more convincing if you at least logged in from a public library or something (you're the person who commented yesterday in the same way under the same IP address: http://neopoleon.com/blog/posts/2730.aspx#2733). That way, I might think the multiple insults were actually coming from multiple people.

Anyway, a quick look through my logs shows that you've been reading quite consistently for a while now. If you *really* don't like it, then just remove my feed from SharpReader.

<shrug>

Nobody's forcing you to read this stuff.

Disgusted -

"So... if you made a harmless gay joke or a harmless joke about being Jewish... that would be OK as well?"

The reason a gay/Jewish joke might be offensive is that they reference two groups of people that have had more than their fair share of dealing with crap.

A joke about Canadians, on the other hand, is basically like a joke about Americans who get free health care and education. It's completely harmless, and says *nothing* about the people on a personal level.

In fact, the whole reason American vs. Canadian humor is funny is that we're basically the same people with a different set of social services.

If you really think that making gay/Jewish jokes is on the same level as making Canadian jokes, then you're really grasping.

Christ people, it's a joke and it's funny. Lighten up already. (ob-disclaimer: I'm Canadian).

Rory: if you end up in Montreal you've gotta make it to Santropol during the day for one of their sandwiches: http://montreal.diningguide.net/data/d100188.htm. The descriptions of the sandwiches sound a bit strange when you first read them but damn they're worth it.

Chris -

"Rory: if you end up in Montreal you've gotta make it to Santropol during the day..."

I'd like to go, but I'm beginning to think they're going to be checking for me at the border :)

[NOTE TO SENSITIVE PEOPLE: The previous paragraph was a joke (not serious (unserious))]

Seriously, though, I'd love to get up there. I find Canadian French (and the French spoken in African colonies) to be easier to understand than the usual Parisian stuff, and I've been wanting a chance to practice. Sandwich purchasing would be a fine opportunity to do that.

[NOTE TO SENSITIVE PEOPLE: The previous paragraph was *not* a joke (not funny (unfunny))]

[NOTE TO SENSITIVE PEOPLE: For further clarification on which parts of this comment were meant to be taken in a humorous fashion, please email me directly and refer to post 2738, comment 2775. I will get back to you as quickly as possible in terse language free of any references that might make me out to be a something-cist (only neutral third person pronouns will be used (none of this "he" or "she" stuff)). I hope that this arrangement is satisfactory.]

Waaaah, waaaaaaaaah. Rory, you hurt my feelings. Waah... wait, I'm not going to cry. I'll get mad.

Yeah, I read this stuff somewhere recently. I'm good at playing REPEAT-O-MONKEY, let's give it a whirl:

YOU'RE JUST A DUMB AMERICAN. Yeah, umm... hmm. YOU BOMB PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY'RE RETARDED. Oh, no, wait, BECAUSE THEY'RE GAY. Hmm. NO, WAIT, GEORGE BUSH IS GAY... so, that like makes all of you STUPID AMERICANS GAY, too. By inheritence. You know? And, uhh, and, ... I'm not going to read your blog any more because YOU MAKE ME CRY. Meanie.

Fools. (And, remember... always blame Canada, kids.)

I don't understand at all. Was comment 2775 supposed to be funny? Or was it supposed to clarify things? Or was it supposed to confuse me even more than I'm confused already? (or is it "already confused"? (I'm confused.))

By the way, I just got back from the Portland airport. The TSA people had photos of you posted on the wall. (Hint: as long as you don't wear those cardboard toilet paper roll thingies, they won't recognize you.)

OK, what Mr. "Disgusted" or "Not Reading Anymore Even Though I'm Continuing To Post Repeatedly" seems to be missing is that you're not satirizing Canadians, but MANY AMERICANS' ATTITUDE TOWARD CANADA. So, Rory, if you start making fun of people's moronic, self-righteous bigotry towards gays and Jews, I'm all for it! These kinds of people don't need to be less sensitive, they need to PAY ATTENTION. For cryin' out loud, I'm not that smart and I got it.

Joe Grenier -

I kiss your feet.

I wasn't able to find the right words to describe what it was that I wanted to do with this post, but you're dead-on.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for being more articulate than I am :)

Rory,
"Thank you, thank you, thank you"

No problem. About once every five years or so I have an insightful moment and...wait...I wasted it on your blog!? Crap, crap, crap! Oh well, there goes that promotion...

Anyone who works for an 80 cent dollar can't be that bright, can they?

Wait a minute - that's me.

Sorry. Never mind.

I worked as a customs officer for six years, and I questioned Americans every day. I have plenty of Stupid American stories.

Geography seems to be a difficult subject for many. For example, one afternoon about 2 pm, a car with plates from a southern US state approached the crossing into Canada (in Manitoba, the province just north of North Dakota). Inside was two retired couples. I spoke with the driver. (Q is me, A is him)

Q: Where are you folks heading to?
A: We're going to Alaska.

Q: How long to you plan to be in Canada?
A: About two days.

(I am somewhat surprised by this, but pursue this a little further...)

Q: Oh, so you are planning to drive all day and all night then?
A: Oh no, we figure we'll take it easy.

(Now I am intrigued)
Q: So, do you have a travel itinerary planned out?
A: Well, we figure we'll be in Regina by suppertime [about 6 hours driving by the speed limit], then stay overnight in Edmonton [another 10 hours drive from Regina], and head up to Alaska the next day [at least another 15 hours driving].

(This is astounding. Perhaps they have some shortcut that I don't know about?)
Q: Do you _know_ how far it is to Alaska?
A: Well sure, we have a map right here...

(They open their Rand McNally Atlas, flip through the pages with a US state on each page, then get towards the back where all of Canada is on one page...)

A: ...here, look, it's only "that far" to Alaska [holds fingers about 2" apart between Manitoba border and Alaska border].

Q: Ah, I see. Have you looked at the scale of that map? [He looks puzzled...] Most people take 7-10 days to get to Alaska from here.

A: Oh! Well, we might not make it that far then.

[No kidding]

I did let them in. We don't have rules against letting people in who don't know their geography.

Mike

And we have Ontario too!!!

http://www.cbc.ca/mondayreport/backissues_jan19.html#ontariopot

You guys can tiptoe around this issue all day long if you want to, but just for the record *I*'ve heard that Canadian people really *are* stupid. A guy sitting next to me on the bus told me so. And he said he was a doctor, too, so don't go trying to poke holes in his credibility. Everybody knows that doctors are real smart (except for Canadians, probably).

Face the facts, people -- Canadians are dolts. I know it's hard, but sometimes the truth hurts.

re: Mike & Driving to Alaska?

Does it really take that long? My parents moved up to AK in the 50's (seperately, they met up there, long story, nobody cares) and I remember my mom saying that driving from Wichita, Kansas (southwest portion of Kansas) it took her about a week and that was before the Al-Can highway was paved(did I get the name right?). I know It took my folks about 7 days when they drove up through Canada to Alaska on a vacation.

But point made, point taken. Driving up there ain't like in Washington state where everything is seemingly only 3 hours away(Portland, Montana, Vancouver,San Juans, etc...)

P.S. Rory, if you really want to go to Canada there's a shorter path than moving to the east coast, it's called I-5. Victoria Island is nice in the spring. ;)

Hey Rory,

I thought it was quite funny and I live in Montreal.
Drop me a line if you want to see the sights, but don't come here until July (or as we call it, "summer").

Kent

egads - i had to give up after about 10 comments. BUt did anyone notice that Richard Lowe used a zero based list to make his points? I thought that was pretty funny.

Since this seems to be the place to officially call out Rory, I'd like to issue a complaint. In Firebird, if my mouse cursor is over the comments the freakin' text goes away. WTF? Not that I missed much here.

These Canadians suffer from a serious inferiority complex. That's why they built this: The Canadian National Tower! World's largest free-standing structure! It is the height of six American football fields, or five Canadian football fields. As if Canadian football really counts.
And I'll tell ya another thing: their beer sucks!

I'm hoping someone gets my poor attempt at humor.

Skype.com reports a spike in downloads from Canada. So Rory, expect to be repeatedly called a "Hoser" tomorrow on DotNetRocks.

;->

"So... if you made a harmless gay joke or a harmless joke about being Jewish... that would be OK as well?"

As a homosexual Jewish man, I would say yes. The sooner you get the stick out of your ass the better off you'll be.

And no I'm not from Canada, but I am 60% French. Does that mean, by your rules, I can be 60% amused by this joke?

Scott...

Re: how long to Alaska, here is the Mapquest link for Dunseith North Dakota to Anchorage Alaska.

http://www.mapquest.com/directions/main.adp?go=1&do=nw&cl=EN&un=m&ct=NA&1y=US&1a=&1c=Dunseith&1s=ND&1z=&1ah=&2y=US&2a=&2c=Anchorage+&2s=AK&2z=&2ah=&formtype1=address&formtype2=address&idx=0&id=40197302-000c1-07326-cdbcf36d&aid=40197302-000c2-07326-cdbcf36d

Total Est. Time: 68 hours, 24 minutes Total Est. Distance: 2734.56 miles

Take off 410 miles for the part from the Yukon/Alaska border to Anchorage, and its 2321.76 miles. About 58 hours. Seniors driving on a summer vacation = ~8 hours/day = ~7 days.

This isn't meant to be argumentative, I was just curious because I'd never actually tried to estimate it. (In the spirit of this original post, I'm not offended by your questioning my estimates, and I hope you're not offended by my clarifications... :)

Mike

Lighten up guys, he was just joking. I call everyone stupid. Just like when I call chinamen Chinks, Im just joking. When I call Iraquis sand diggers, I was just joking. A jokes a joke. Its like calling your brother an idiot.

Holy shit this is bad. God damn ice-cream flavor stealing what our tax money pays for. You’ve even stupidor cause our government will get you for sure. Who be the baby then eh?

Rory,

When you do make it up to Montreal I'll take you to Santropol for sure.

And I totally think that people are a bit too sensetive about your post. I found it funny as hell.

/Canuck

Santropol is good, but I haven't been there in years, eventualy one gets tired of the same sandwiches ;)

If you come here, you should really go to the GoGo Lounge.

ps. I don't think that carry-on dogs are allowed in Canada in case you go out and buy one...

Mike: Good information. I'm off to razz my mom about her lead foot now and tell her that the mounties are still looking to bust her for speeding. :)

hmmmm, come to think about it. They probably didn't have a speed limit on the Al-Can back in the 50's heh heh heh

I'm a dual citizen, born in the US, but I grew up in Canada. I have to say I don't think this post was funny. I also didn't think it was funny when my cousin in Michigan called me up to ask on behalf of her son if we here in Canada shared some of the same holidays. Like Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. I told her had Thanksgiving in October, she asked if we had Christmas on December 25th. Uh...yea.

Well thank you, Keith Fox, for your opinions. They have been noted and will be forwarded on to management. The appropriate people will be sacked, and we are terribly sorry that you were not entertained.

That said, I don't see what the big deal is with a kid wanting to know if Canada and America have the same holidays - to a kid, the words "another country" probably more often than not draw out images of people in faraway places with strange customs, and the question about holidays would be perfectly legit under these circumstances.

But, anyway, you're probably busy grumbling away about what a big, mean, stupid place the world is, so I guess I'll just let you get back to that...

Candians are stupid, it's all because of those darn French, just accept it and move on! Both French and Canadian people are very queer.

My favorite Canada/America joke (from the perspective of Canada). Picture a map, comparing the land area of Canada and America. The bottom says "We're bigger, and we're on top... if this was prison, you'd be our bitch."

And now a cultural question from an American: when the automobile came to Canada, did they call it the dogless sled?

Looking at our upcoming presidential scenario, I might just be singing "Oh Canada" pretty soon.

If Canadians are 'stupid'. I would hate to see what the rest of the world calls Americans...

I think that Canadians and Americans should actually think about what we are saying about each other.

1.) you dont need a phone number for hotmail
2.) User Mike (A Stupid canadian) Cannot spell
Q: How long (to) you plan to be in Canada?
A: About two days.
When it should be How long DO you plan to be in canada?

You guys are all stupid, I can't believe I'm even posting on this dumb site but I want to stop this maddness. Both Canadians and Americans are dumb, unless they come from rich families in big cities with good educations. So basically anything outside of Toronto and New York... ...kidding
But seriously, you guys have to stop being so dumb.

Rory vs. Us Canucks

Craig is Blogging!

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