Kori and I sat down tonight to watch Futurama on DVD (I have to zone out every once in a while, you know?).

Although it has nothing to do with this post, I would like to point out that Kori was wearing her way-too-large-for-either-of-us-or-even-both-of-us-at-the-same-time Chris Sells "Think Deeply - Code Well" t-shirt (she uses it as a nightgown). There's something really cool about that.

Anyway.

I popped the disc in, and the usual FBI warning came onto the screen. I did what I always do in this situation, which is to hit the fast-forward button, find that this action is, in the user friendly terminology of my DVD player from Hell, "denied," and then get really mad and, for the ten billionth time, ask nobody in particular why it is that I can't fast forward my own stinking DVD in my own stinking DVD player.

Then, nobody in particular actually answers me (in a really small voice): "Because that's the way the lawyers like it."

Then, in a state of paranoia, I say, "Who's there?"

Then I hear, "Nobody in particular."

Once beyond that, I settled down and waited for the show to start. Instead of the show, though, I got another stupid FBI warning.

I mean, what's going on here? How many warnings do there have to be? I'm just trying to watch some stupid adult cartoon, and I have to waste seconds reading this un-fast-forwardable lawyer trash.

At least with a EULA, you can click "Accept" without reading it (be careful - I lost my soul this way once).

With these stupid DVD FBI things, there's no such option.

This was tolerable when they were short, and when there weren't nineteen of them before each movie. This business of having many messages is just lamer than lame.

They might as well just stick a whole lawyer in the box with the movie. If there's room, they can also stick a judge and jury in there, too.

That way, before you even get a chance to think about watching your movie legally, they can arrest you, beat you down in court, and then use the handy dandy inflatable electric chair (also in the box (plugs into standard outlet (no muss no fuss (offer not good in California, Alaska, or Texas  (turns out the offer is actually really popular in Texas))))) to fry you once you've been convicted.

At least then I wouldn't have to deal with the indignity of not being allowed to fast-forward my own stinking DVD in my own stinking DVD player.

Stupid FBI.