Looking out the window and seeing the "Acme Construction Services" truck, I am able to reasonably conclude the following: The FBI is on a stakeout mission, my phones are tapped, and their agents are moving in to steal my Cuban rum.

I know it sounds a little far-fetched, but this is just the way you begin to think when you're an American keeping Havana Club in the freezer.

On a totally unrelated note, I've learned through constant experimentation that putting 3/4 of a cup of water in my microwave for four minutes will cause it to boil over, every time, when there are only five seconds left on the timer.

It's chilling to know that the FBI wants to steal my commie booze, but comforting to know that the universe runs on such precise clockwork.