I went out this weekend and bought the most recent video game installment of the Star Wars franchise.

I felt that, after Galaxies, I ought to give these Lucas people another chance. They've made good stuff in the past (exactly three things, actually), and they've made some mistakes. But, I'm pretty forgiving, and traded in some hard-earned dough for a copy of Knights of the Old Republic.

You'd think that I would have learned my lesson by now. I've been on this planet for twenty-five years, and have been able to watch every mistake that Lucas has ever made (yes, even in the privacy of his own home (how I've managed this is none of your business (learn to keep your prying nose out of things))). Why my generation constantly makes the mistake of throwing dollars at Lucas and his legacy of silly muppetry is beyond me. The most plausible reason that I can find is that something addictive (heroin, for example) was added to the cinema popcorn back when the films were originally released. Whatever the reason, there are a few bajillion of us out there who seem like ordinary adults capable of making intelligent decisions, but who definitely aren't.

If you've ever had to ride Star Tours eight times in a row because you went to Disneyland with some nerd (like me), then you know what I'm talking about here.

This passion for Lucas products is the source of a lot of disappointment, and I must say that their latest game has done little to repair the damage that's been done.

Actually, it isn't really fair for me to be reviewing this game.

You see, I haven't played it yet.

I took it home, removed the fourteen layers of shrink-wrap from the box, scratched away all the uber sticky security sticker hologram things, and pulled the manual out.

I skipped all the boring copyright stuff and got straight to the meat. On page six, I found that the lead bad guy (the one you want to defeat) has:

That did it for me.

If they're invincible, then that pretty much says it all, doesn't it? Invincibility is a definite thing - There's no gray area. You can't be "mostly invincible." You either are, or you aren't. And if you are, then you win. That's that.

It should have been called, "Star Wars Sisyphus."

I just don't have time for that sort of thing. It's way too sunny outside to sit in my apartment and go up against odds that are, effectively, infinitely not in my favor.