You know you're in LA when, instead of soap, your hotel gives you a "Ginseng Clarifying Bar":

I don't even understand what this thing is for. I mean, I don't need to clarify anything. I need to clean things. I feel like it should be constantly saying things like, "What I'm really trying to say is..." and "But if you'd just look at it from my perspective..." I don't need a "bar" that does that. And if you're going to give me a bunch of not-soap, then why do you have to put ginseng in it? It doesn't do anything except give you high blood pressure when you eat it. What's the freaking point?

Anyhoo, I gotta run. I'm going to be late for my meeting with my spiritual advisor for my astrology massage, and then it's off for my fresh fruit ginkgo energy power enema before lunch. I was told by a hotel clerk that my aura looked faint, and that my chakras were probably blocked by all the white bread I've been eating, so they're going to fix me right up.

But, man. That's funny about the bar, eh? This place is weird.