Drug test? Dude, have your new employers seen your BLOG??

I mean, some of your "Dreams" posts suggest glue-sniffing-mouthwash-drinking-rat-poison-snorting-household-cleaning-product-mainlining-crackhead.

(Either that... or someone with an active imagination who might take a refreshingly creative and unconventional approach to problem solving in their development projects.)

Anyhoo, hella congrats on landing a job so soon! Guess it doesn't suck being a .NET celeb, eh? :-D

7-Eleven's hiring .NET folks now?

Back in the day, I worked for a company where "drug testing" was our Marketing VP asking the interns if he could use their "hook-ups." If he got a name, he'd go buy a some MJ from them. Good buzz? Intern got a job offer. Bad buzz? "Good luck with your future career." Of course, we got to test the product too. Sad to say what we lacked in quality we made up for with quantity.

Err... if we we're interested, that is.

I never participated. I mean, that's just morally wrong. Nope, I've never had any illegal drugs. I couldn't live myself if I did. Kids, DON'T DO DRUGS!

Else you might turn out like Rory or Carl.

Or worse, you might get the Munchies.

Did Carl give you a drug test before joining dotnetrocks?

At my first tech company, there was a drug test every Friday, at lunch. Participation was optional ;)

So where are you going to work? Or can you not say? I work for BigCo too and we all got drug tested. Coming from the military with piss tests once a month or more I never really thought anything of it.

So you have to piss in a cup meh. no big deal. In the Corps they have you wear shorts and a t-shirt when you do it and they stand there next to you and watch you piss to make sure you don't do any funny stuff with the test. Bet the BigCo piss test doesn't sound so bad now does it.

LOL Rory your cartoons really split me up, btw what software do you use to make them? Paint?

I think it would be really interesting to do some drug testing before hiring here in the Netherlands... I think my girlfriend and I would be able to land a very good job very soon :)

I don't know about drug testing... What do they test for? Just cocaine and heroine and such, or also marijuana and other "smart drugs"? And, like, sugar can make you hyper-active, they don't test for that, now do they? Nicotine can both stimulate and calm you. There's tons of chemicals out there that can alter your state of mind... Can it even be considered "their business"? I mean, yes, you work for them and hopefully you'll show up for work with a clear mind. But what would you prefer: someone smoking the occasional joint, in the weekend, or somebody that is constantly worrying about his/her partner cheating on him/her? Who will perform better?

Also, I've got this friend. His really creative (and good) programming work doesn't start before he has had at least 2-3 beers...

Like I said, I just don't know. I hate hospitals and medical tests anyway, this sure won't help...

If I had to do a drug test for a company before they employed me, I wouldn't do it and I'd find somewhere else to work.

It's fucking disgusting. Who the fuck do they think they are? You don't own your employees, you employ them.

I've never been asked to take a drug test for a job, and I don't know anyone who has.

Rory, once again, I blame you. Your country is a mess becaus *you* allowed yourself to be drug tested before taking a job. The way to make sure this never happens again is to refuse.

John.

I'm with John. Any company that would have so little regard for your personal dignity should be rejected before they even get to interview.

I wonder whether you could counter with some tests of your own. Perhaps you could ask for a list of the home addresses of all their middle managers so that you could stage dawn raids on their houses. Then you could like, er, check their bookshelves for psycho-babble-self-help-how-to-be-a-manager books.

Nah - that won't fly - can you imagine being able to find any BigCo that would pass this test.

I'm glad that German companies don't share this paranoia...Well, at least it's against law to demand such a test.

I wasn't sure that I was reading this post right until I saw the cartoon (great BTW :)). Did you have to do a drug test in order to get a job/contract? Isn't that invasion of privacy or something? I have never heard of anything like this before - maybe because I'm from a saner country or just that I still don't get what this post is about :D

I'm so glad they don't do drug tests for jobs over here. Yikes!

Julian - maybe not for jobs, but for school children.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/3511611.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/3510605.stm

and my impression from this http://www.ukcia.org/culture/pisstest.php is that it's already being done for jobs.

Dear Mr. Blythe,

As a senior VP at BigDrugTestCo, ltd. -the largest provider of corporate pacifiers in the nation - I must say that your essay has confused and disturbed me. I sense you don't grasp the gravity of the situation. Drugs in the workplace cost our economy $7 trillion every year. You may ask how I arrive at this figure (although, most of our customers accept whatever information we provide as if it were on a stone tablet written with the finger of God, so I'm not sure where you get off questioning...where was I? Oh yes..). I mean really, do you think its low quality products and services, or corporate mismanagement that loses money for our clients? No...It’s drug use in the workplace! Studies show that 9 out of 10 employees use drugs before, during or after work (There you go questioning our statistics again. You're not some kind of pinko, stoner, "free thought" type, are you?). Look Mr. Blythe, it's just pee; you were going to get rid of it anyway, so what's the big deal? I hope our little chat has set you straight; and remember, if your employees use drugs then the terrorists win.

Best Regards,

Joe Grenier
VP of Consumer Misdirection
BigDrugTestCo, Ltd.

ROFL!

I had to take a drug test ONCE for a contract. It sucked. Waste of time...felt embarrassed...felt somewhat violated. But guess what? I needed the job. If I didn't need the job (say I was just leasurely looking for a new job) I would not have done it. I guess that makes me a whore to some degree.

Anyway, a lot of the bigger companies suck like that. They want a drug test. God help you if you have an arrest record (oh, whether you were charged/convicted/aquitted is of no importance - you are still heavily tainted). That is supposed to be illegal, but I heard the HR people talk about it all the time. Ugh.

Like an earlier commenter said, its our own fault for putting up with it...and perhaps what we really need is a damn IT/Developer Union.

when you own your own company you can make up the rules.

if you think a drug test is too invasive into your personal life, then find another place to work... (what a concept?)

oh, and you won't turn up positive if all you've done is "sit next to someone on the subway who smoked a joint".

and besides rory, from what i've read in your blog, you like showing off your weiner...

are you just miffed that nobody famous (don box) was around to see it?

Andy -

"So where are you going to work? Or can you not say?"

Probably shouldn't say :) I'm not under any weird restrictions, it's just one of those things...

"So you have to piss in a cup meh. no big deal. In the Corps they have you wear shorts and a t-shirt when you do it and they stand there next to you and watch you piss to make sure you don't do any funny stuff with the test. Bet the BigCo piss test doesn't sound so bad now does it."

Well, yes, the BigCo piss test *does* sound bad, but yours sounds worse :)

It's all relative...

Sijin -

"LOL Rory your cartoons really split me up, btw what software do you use to make them? Paint?"

Thanks :) I use SketchBook Pro.

> 7-Eleven's hiring .NET folks now?

Actually, they are. 7-11 is one of the companies profiled on the DevDays DVD. They just wrote a huge .NET app to coordinate inventory.

Wolfgang -

"I don't know about drug testing... What do they test for?"

They test for the illegal drugs - pot, cocaine, etc..

They don't, of course, test to see if you're a total lush.

JJ5 John -

"Rory, once again, I blame you. Your country is a mess becaus *you* allowed yourself to be drug tested before taking a job."

You're absolutely right. Unfortunately, I also realize that if they don't take me, then they'll just find someone else who *will* take the test and the position.

The only way to deal with something like this is by working together to change, and that's something American's aren't very good at on a practical level (although you'll get 1,000s of people demonstrating against, for example, putting a drinking fountain in a forest).

We're a little weird like that, and I *do* need a job.

That said, I have every intention of being 100% fully employed by myself at some point. Not quite yet, but it's going to happen.

Dominic C. -

"I wonder whether you could counter with some tests of your own."

I like that idea :)

Soren -

"Did you have to do a drug test in order to get a job/contract?"

Yup.

"Isn't that invasion of privacy or something?"

Legally: Nope.

In every other way: Yup.

"I have never heard of anything like this before - maybe because I'm from a saner country"

Yup.

"or just that I still don't get what this post is about"

I think you get it - I had to take a test that showed that I don't do drugs in order to get a contract.

A little ironic considering that I live in a country where you can just go to your doctor and "ask" for things like Valium and get them without a problem, making them totally legal.

Alcohol, too, is perfectly all right in spite of the fact that it's quite addictive.

People can also smoke even though they have to take regular smoke breaks every hour, leading to decreased productivity.

However, if you smoked some dope three weeks ago at a party, then you're screwed.

I don't do any drugs (don't even drink much anymore), but I still hate this crap.

GuyIncognito -

"when you own your own company you can make up the rules."

That's exactly what I'm going to do.

"if you think a drug test is too invasive into your personal life, then find another place to work... (what a concept?)"

Read my earlier post about life on the east coast - you're dependent on a few local companies.

According to the nurse, about 90% of the ones in the area do drug tests, and she said that the hospital is pressuring the others into adopting the practice. It's going to be tough to get *any* work around here without a drug test.

"oh, and you won't turn up positive if all you've done is "sit next to someone on the subway who smoked a joint"."

Thanks for the insight.

I was (obviously) kidding. It was some good old-fashioned hyperbole.

i've had to take drug tests at just about all of the programming jobs i've had.

i've also had to get physicals, which to me made no sense. on the other hand it was nice to feel a warm supple hand cupping my ballsack, so who was i to complain?

So Rory, the suspense is enough to drive me to drugs, did you pass?

Paul -

"did you pass?"

Yes :)

Can't have it. Work with no more than 5.

:)

It's much more interesting.

JJ5 John -

"Your country is a mess becaus *you* allowed yourself to be drug tested before taking a job."

Interesting that you would say this, obviously you don't keep up. His country is my country -and, it is my guess that you are from some European country. Just a note: Half of Europe is broke (or close to it), because they are all socialist. True, America looks like it is heading that way. But, think before you write. Even though it looks like we are heading that way, we are no where close to broke. So, who is in a mess?

Ryan - Didn't California declare bankruptcy? Dooh!

I didn't know 1/50th == 1, maybe my math is bad.

I agree, though, California is terribly liberal.

I thought they made you take drug tests to see if you were management material. If you failed the drug test, then you were obviously management material, because we all know that corporate management are on drugs. Have you ever seen some of the decsions that they make?

Don

Not to mention the dancing! (and other rock-star antics)

http://www.ntk.net/ballmer/mirrors.html

Your employer may be drug testing simply to see if your drug habits are compatible with their own, which really doesn't seem so unreasonable.

Thats soooo stupid !
You should ask teh company if they conform to social standards - even overseas. If they support "sweatshops" (Gimmicks in the Happy Meal, Programming in India/China)
People should realy have the haughtiness to not confirm to such requests.
So many lemmings out there....

@Andi, the man from the corps:
Just because someone else is waist-deep in sh*t doesn't make it good to be knee-deep in sh*t.

HECK - AFTER OWNING MY OWN COMPANY FOR 35 YRS, I DECIDED TO RETIRE AND SEEK OUT PART TIME EMPLOYMENT. AMAZING HOW MANY WON'T JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT THAT IM NOT A DRUGGIE, OR PERHAPS MY SUCCESS WAS DUE TO LAZINESS AND DRUGS - I MEAN - GET A GRIP AMERICA

Take Outs for 18 March 2004