Found out today that I've been blogging for exactly one year.

I didn't know anything about it, but it seems that somebody remembered (thanks for the reminder, Jim :).

Looking back at my first post, I can't figure out what my motivation might have been for putting up a blog:

So, I finally put up a blog.

Actually, I was blogging back when most of you were still nothing more than naughty feelings in your fathers' loins.

But, enough of that. I'm here now, and you are my brothers.

And, holy crap, I just heard my woman say that the French are going to spend $5,000,000.00 to put 20,000 light bulbs on the Eiffel Tower.

Um. Is this the standard rate for screwing in light bulbs? $250 a bulb? I feel like such a moron, coding all day long.

In fact, I quit. I'm gonna take my brand new blog down. I'm going to Fred Meyers, and I'm going to buy some GE bulbs on which to practice.

If any of you want to come along to corner the light bulb screwing in industry in the states, then you're welcome to join me.

Funny, though - My second post doesn't really clear it up, either. I'll let you read it for yourself, though, rather than repost it here in its entirety. Also, if you go back to read my older posts, you'll find quite a few with parts that are written in bold italics. Back in the day, I had a little bit at the top of my page that said, "All lies will appear in bold italics." Don't know why. Just thought it'd be fun to be totally honest with everybody about my dishonesty.

But, many things have happened since them.

Check this out, for example (because this month isn't over yet, I've noted where numbers are "projected" (I arrived at these numbers by looking at what I have now, and what I've had for the last two months, and then making wild guesses)):

Total unique visitors per month:

April, 2003: 21

April, 2004 (projected): ~22,000

Total number of visits per month:

April, 2003: 31

April, 2004 (projected): ~170,000

Total page views per month:

April, 2003: 3,894

April, 2004 (projected): ~60,000

Total hits per month:

April, 2003: 6,394

April, 2004 (projected): ~1,200,000

Total bandwidth per month:

April, 2003: 76.63 MB

April, 2004 (projected): ~30.00 GB

Well.

Chris Sells may get stats like this in a day, and it may be nothin' compared to what senor Scoble gets, but I'm still proud. I mean, hey - why the bloody hell not?

I guess the first thing I should do is thank a few of you for reading.

So, thanks.

The second thing I should do is explain that I don't really know what these numbers mean.

So, I don't know what these numbers mean.

The third thing I should do is note that, although I'm happy to have better numbers in April of 2003 as opposed to April of 2004, I wouldn't have written everything even if my numbers hadn't gone anywhere.

So, yeah.

What I've decided to do to celebrate my stupid site's one year anniversary is to go back and find my favorite posts from each category. In some cases, I couldn't quite decide, so I slipped two in. That's OK, though, because I'm making the rules here, and you can just suck it if you don't like my method.

Also, if you think this is a little self-indulgent... well, you're right. It is. Welcome to my blog, you nitpicky bastard.

You want to tell me how I should run my own blog? Huh? Do ya?

Well, I've got three words for you, my friend: WHO - RUN - BARTERTOWN

This category was easy. There's only one post.

BUI - Some thoughts on traffic/Some thoughts on tablets

I had big plans for this category. Don't know what happened. As of today, it only has two posts in it. I flipped a coin and picked the post I associated with "heads."

How to interview/hire somebody (for serious)

Yes, my friends - before it became a .NET Rocks staple, Google Weirdos had its own category on my blog. Carl liked it so much that I stopped writing it, and started speaking it. My favorite was the one that sucked the least.

Google weirdos #2

I'm guessing that a lot of people think my favorite post from the PDC was the one about WinFS and your porn collection.

I like that one, all right, but it's not my favorite. My favorite is the one in which I figured out what was really going on at the PDC.

Microsoft Monks

This category is a place where I stick thoughts that should never be blogged. By calling it "Little nothings," I thought people might just skip over it and not complain about the fact that it doesn't have anything to do with .NET (boo-hoo! (put a freaking SOCK in it you whiners!)).

It was a tough choice, so I did what anybody else in my position would have done, and picked the post with the joke about Texas.

FBI DVD Warning

This is the category where I stuck things that I thought pointed to why humans are such a bunch of retards.

Not much else to say about that.

An image of my innermost thoughts - Welcome to my mind...

I don't use this category much. Probably because I keep most personal issues to myself.

However, when AOL screwed with me, I thought they deserved some public recognition for their efforts.

Dear AOL: I hate you

Secretly, I think this might be my favorite category.

Well. There goes that secret.

This one was easy, though. I just picked the best dream, which also happens to have been the one I forced asked my girlfriend to illustrate.

Dream #19 - Fairy tale dream (I know it sounds stupid, but it isn't)

However, I couldn't let this pass without mentioning some runner-up favorites:

- Dream #17 - Clown aliens and James Dean

- Dream #25 - The truth about all of us

- Dream #16 - Remote control of the future

- Dream #20 - Nanobot restaurant

- Dream #41 - Some intimate cherubs

There. That ought to do it.

Really, I'd like to repost all of them, but there's only so much time in the day...

Although it was probably the "Excel as a database" comic that put my stupid stick figures on the map, my favorite came quite a bit later.

Dear white trash neighbor...

This was an extremely difficult category. I'm, like, a nerd, so it was, like, hard for me to figure out what I enjoyed the most.

In the end, I guess I'd have to focus on three things:

1) I don't like stupid technical debates. I like it when people just do it. That's why I invented ASS.

Forget RSS - Forget ATOM - *I* alone hold the answer...

2) I'm proud of the fact that I was a techno-porn entrepreneur in my youth.

From BASIC to porn - My life as a nerd

3) Code that works isn't good enough - it has to look good, too.

"Paper bag" code

This one's the biggie.

This has been my generic brain dump location for the past year. I have no idea how I could possibly pick my favorites from among these, so I'm just going to do my best. I'll probably miss something, but I don't have time to go back and read it all again.

War bumper stickers - I don't like it when people protest things with stupid slogans.

Product review - The drug "Ambien" - I got quite legally loaded, and wrote about it. I still shudder when I think back to that night.

UFO people are dumb, but I love them - I lightheartedly debunk some USENET dipshit's UFO story, and he gets upset. Go figure.

Point/counter point - Corporate vs. prison life - This is the first interview that I ever conducted with Stephen Hawking. I remember the day I wrote this. Fluorescent lights were flickering over my head, and my nose was bleeding from the dry, uncirculated office air. I was a little miffed at the general state of things.

AI is coming, and it's mad at you - Let's just say that I'm an AI visionary.

Something to remember when writing checks - Don't want people to cash the checks you write them? Read this.

Vacation made me do it - A review of Star Wars Galaxies - Possibly the best review I've ever written. This was really popular in Australia for some reason.

I had a section for a while called "The Neopoleon Guide to Life." My plan was to write articles there, each one of which I felt would contribute to explaining this whole stupid thing called "living."

I never finished.

Barely began, actually.

Still have plans for it, but they've changed dramatically. I'm hoping that I can find the time in the coming months to make the plans happen.

Until then, treat yourself to what I managed to throw together. It'll keep you entertained for a few minutes.

So, it's been a year.

I've just sorted through an assload of posts from the past 365 days, and I've realized something: my blog is straying quite a bit from what I wanted it to be.

I started this thing so that I could post the occasional entertaining observation about life. In the past few months, though, it's turned into a place for commentary on technical subjects. There are a few non-techie posts here and there, but not enough for my tastes.

I've also gotten quite a bit tamer.

That is, I've actually begun to care about whether or not people will be accepting of what I post. That has to stop, but I have to say that it's a little tough as I watch the numbers in the stats rise.

All the same, I guess I really ought to get back to being myself, which is something I've avoided quite a bit as of late.

Anyway, that's probably enough rambling for now. I'm still recovering from whatever disease I contracted last week. Feeling drowsy.

Thanks for reading, people. Keep this up, and I might finally be able to sell some freaking ad space.