Dreamt that I needed to hire an assassin. I don't remember who I needed to bump off, but it doesn't matter. As you'll soon see, the focal point of this dream was not my mark.

As everybody knows, the first place you look when wanting to hire an assassin is a seaside Smurf village.

I went wandering around the ankle-high huts looking for The One who could accomplish the difficult task. I encountered a female Smurf who fit the bill. She knew her stuff, and she was willing to bump off anything with a pulse.

After agreeing to do the job, she started asking about money. I don't remember clearly, but I think I was offering a couple million (must have been someone important). She lost her poker face for a minute and got excited about all the dough. Right then, an earthquake started to rattle the quiet Smurf town.

She said something like, "I can't wait to see how I'm going to spend it!"

To which I replied: "If we don't get out of here, then they're just going to have to bury you with it."

I picked her up and started to run out of the village, snagging any other Smurfs I saw along the way. I think I rounded up about twenty before arriving at my station wagon. I stuck them all in the back and drove off.

And that's how I hired a Smurf assassin and saved her friends from destruction.

In retrospect, I actually think that it makes a lot of sense to hire Smurfs as assassins. They're small, nobody would ever suspect them, and they could hide very easily after doing the dirty work. Plus, I don't think police dogs are trained to track them down.