A

Depends. Do I have to eat fresh poop? Can I add condiments? If I can let it dry out a bit, and coat it in chili powder, then it becomes more palatable. Mostly cause all I'll be able to taste is the chili powder, but still...

B. Hopefully if I eat a lot of oranges, it'll taste like orange. I doubt it though.

> Hopefully if I eat a lot of oranges, it'll taste like orange. I doubt it though.

Actually, that's a good point. If you each lots peas and corn beforehand then it'll be mostly just peas and corn anyway, so it's really not that bad!!

I'll take option B... unless I get to pick the cellmate for option A

Dean -

"Depends. Do I have to eat fresh poop?"

Would you actually want to eat some other kind?

"Can I add condiments?"

Let's say that you can add a light flavor glaze, but nothing substantial.

"If I can let it dry out a bit"

No: Straight from your alimentary canal to your mouth (with a pause along the way to put the light glaze on it).

"and coat it in chili powder"

That's just disgusting. You're going to gross people out talking like that.

It's a toss-up. I think I could get used to being pegged by Martha Stewart, but the phrase "shit-eating grin" has to come from somewhere.

Further discussion:
http://www.drunkanddisorderly.net/spacemoose/million_dollars.gif

Oops, no direct linking to an image! I fell for the oldest trick in the book!

> "Depends. Do I have to eat fresh poop?"
> Would you actually want to eat some other kind?

Well, I would guess that as it got older, it'd lose some of the smell and runny-ness (if that's a problem for you).

> Let's say that you can add a light flavor glaze, but nothing substantial.

"glaze" eh? How about I glaze it with melted sugar. Then I can swallow it like a giant pill. I've seen multi-vitamin tablets that are less appealing...

> That's just disgusting. You're going to gross people out talking like that.

You're right, whatever was I thinking? :p

Eatin' poop all day long, given:

-prison cell-mates probably don't always practice safe-relations.

-prison cell-mates could have certain deadly STD's.

As nasty as poop indulgence sounds, I'm assuming my odds of death are considerably lower.

Ew.

Hmm...maybe I need to change my answer. I assumed that Rory would be my cellmate and we all know he's a gentle and compassionate lover.

But if that assumption is wrong, then...I still choose A.

If I'm lucky enough my cellmate will let me eat his pooper and enjoy the loving so I get to have it all!!

Great question Rory!! Now I get to go to sleep with a smile on my face (and my lover's too I hope!)

Attention George:

Re: "I assumed that Rory would be my cellmate and we all know he's a gentle and compassionate lover."

We...um...do?

I suppose "we" in the very least encompasses you...so - you...do?

Um, I forgot

"I suppose "we" in the very least encompasses you...so - you...do?"

Oh, I'm sorry. You haven't had the pleasure of Rory yet? Oh, this is awkward. I thought everyone had by now.

Well, let's see if I can put the experience into words. Did you ever have a peanut butter melt-away? They were candy bars they sold in high schools for fundraisers back home in Pennsylvania. They consisted of 8 or 9 squares of chocolate, connected in a straight line. Each one of these squares housed a creamy, sweet batch of caramel and peanut-butter inside. Well, when I would sell those delicious chocolate treats for one of the various organizations or sports I participated in, I had a little trick I would do where I would keep them in the freezer overnight, then when I took them out in the morning to go to school, I would have these delicious frozen chocolate caramel peanut-butter treats to sell.

So when I sold one in the afternoon or around lunch time, typically people would expect this lukewarm, tepid candy bar mess on a hot summer day in the country, but when they bit into one of MY candy bars they would get a crisp crunch and soft chewy caramel and peanut-butter in this perfectly surprising combination.

mmmm...it was so good. Good just like Rory.

Oh, it's definitely poop din-dins time.
Although I have to say I would regret the inherent futility of consuming that which my body has already seen fit to reject.

I had some General Tsu chicken from Safeway that went right through me. I swear it only took 15 minutes from entry to exit. Orange goo was dripping from my ass. I went to the nurse's office a few days later. I had mono.

Jack -
That is possibly the sadest, yet funniest thing I've read in a while.

Thank you!

Rory -
You're getting weirder, you know that don't you?

I need clarifcation first...

for A)

Will my cell-mate buy me dinner and a movie first (a good movie)?

Will he say I don't look fat in my jeans?

Will he use Astroglide?

Will he use Cialas and have a 4-hour erection?

Do I have to call him daddy?

Do I have to sleep on the wet spot?

for B)

Do I have to clean my plate?

Can I joke with the waiter and say "Take this back..it tastes like sh*t"?

Will you supply a shingle?

Will you wrap the leftovers in foil and make a swan?

Will this affect my progress on the South Beach Diet?

This quiz reminds me of the last time I ate at the Washington Square Mall dining area...the food tasted like crap and the price was so high I felt like I got screwed up the...but, its an intersting quandry.

Lawrence

ok....forget the clarification.

Either way I end up with my crap in my stomach.

Let the kid from the super bowl flip a coin. I think we know what TAILS means.

(I just needed an excuse for correcting the spelling of "interesting").

I would choose to eat my own poop _after_ having intimate "that was supposed to be one-way-only" relations with a cell-mate. That way, it comes out with the glaze already on it.

Old but good...

Shit on my dick or blood on my knife.


(you opened the door, i just walked through)

When I was still in the Corps. we were on deployment overseas in a very sh!tty little African country. We had been in the field for 60+ days and we hadn't had anything to eat but MRE's for the entire time. Somebody got the idea to start a pool. 10 bucks per man. So we all wrote down that when we got back to the boat we'd get ten bucks and give it to the guy who ate his own fresh steaming pile of MRE sh!t. A guy named Anderson took up the offer. He sh!t on an MRE wrapper and then ate it. We video taped the whole thing. As gross as it was, having seen somebody actually eat their own sh!t I'm pretty sure if faced with your choices above I could definitely do what Anderson did rather than take one up the wrong direction. Incedently there are 21 guys in an an infantry platoon not counting staff nco's and officers so Anderson made 210 bucks.

I try to avoid thinking about questions like that, such as "Which of your parents would you rather kill."

If you added "C) Reading more of these studid questions", I would hesitate between A) and B)

Easy. Choose B anyday as you are gonna eat something from A if not. Can I use a bun (if B as A comes with own).

"I had some General Tsu chicken from Safeway that went right through me....."

You were tricked, the real General, General Tso, wouldn't have had the same affect on you. That's what you get for buying Chinese food from a grocery store. :-)

P.S. How about you Rory, A or B?

Rick N. -

I'd choose B, but only because I know nothing about the state of the prisoner.

If I could be assured a clean, kind, and gentle lover, then it'd be A all the way, although it might upset my girlfriend.

For me, the thought of being "violated" for a short period of time seems less offensive than putting feces in my mouth. I'm very particular about what goes into my mouth, but I'm not so concerned about my butt. I figure that if someone wants something to do with it, then it's *that* person's problem.

Either way, it's a rather disgusting question. I don't know what I was thinking.

That's a question for guys only, right? How disappointing.

I resent the implication that these two choices are mutually exclusive.  Why can't I pick both?