Hey. Hi.

In the comments section of my last post, someone asked how things were going. I’ve also gotten a pile of email asking the same thing.

Instead of responding to the emails individually, I’m just going to do it here.

To sum it up, things aren’t awful, but they aren’t that hot either. When I said that I had just gotten through with the worst week of my life, I was serious. I know I’ve said similar things before, but this was different. I had a bad reaction to an anti-depressant and got to experience a whole new level of depression that I didn’t even know was possible. I sat in my apartment and cried for an entire day. Couldn’t stop. Couldn’t really talk, either. Very seriously wanted to kill myself. It was bad.

Since then I’ve been tapering off the anti-depressants. Even though I’ve only been on for about a month, quitting these things cold turkey is a bad, bad, bad idea. I’m also, to be honest, scared to quit. I’ve hit this point where I don’t know if I’d be better with or without the meds.

I haven’t been posting because I’m fed up with having a blog where the main content has been my mental state. “Fed up” would actually be a good way to describe my feelings in general. I just want to wake up and have a normal morning followed by a normal day without popping some god damned pill.

To accomplish this, I’ve been seeing my shrink quite a bit. I’m also picking up a new shrink – an MD – who ought to be able to do a proper diagnosis, figure out just what in the hell is happening up in my head, and help me do something about it.

In the meantime, which could be days, weeks, or months, posting will be sporadic at best. I have so much on my plate right now that writing, even for pleasure (which is the only reason I write), is just too much. I also don’t feel like posting. I’ve been writing somewhat regularly and even doing comics, but, for reasons I don’t understand, haven’t wanted to put them up.

I’ll be doing other things, though. I have a Windows Mobile podcast that I’ll be editing and posting very soon. I’ll also be going on a road trip with the .NET Rocks guys next week, and I’m sure something will come out of that. Three or four days in close quarters with unshorn, unclean geeks isn’t the sort of thing that can pass easily without mention.

Yeah. So, this has all been building up for months. This depression, or whatever in the hell it is, is something I need to deal with, and it’s going to cut into everything I do.

I’m sure I’ll wind up being just fine and that I’ll look back and wonder how I ever managed to feel like this. Until then, though, it’s going to kind of suck.