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I thought *I* had relationship problems

I don’t think there was a night this week when I got to bed before 6:00 AM. I was so hell bent on getting my Channel 9 screencasts up that I didn’t notice the time go by. It was just type-type-type, click-click-click, sip-sip-sip, click-click-click, sip-sip-sip, and then the sun would come up and I’d wonder why the sun was coming up so soon.

It turns out the sun wasn’t coming up too soon. It was coming up exactly when it was supposed to. Like, if I were a sunologist, I could have told you that that was exactly when the sun was supposed to come up. But I’m not a sunologist – I’m a professional… I don’t know. What the hell am I? I’ve read the web site, but I don’t know what I do for a living.

Anyway, point is, there was a lot of typing, and very little sleeping (I went to bed at 11:00 AM today and woke up at 3:00 PM – woo!). And sometime, right in the middle of the week, when there was a mountain of work behind me and a mountain of work still ahead of me, I took a break down at my favorite Starbucks where all the bariste are gorgeous and the pastry cases are always devoid of the cinnamon scones I’m sure I’d like if I ever got to try one.

While sitting there, my friend Rachel walked in. We didn’t expect to see each other, but she sat down, said hello, and then mentioned she had read my little post about my not-relationship.

Since that post went up, my friends, bless their little hearts, have either:

1. Said: I TOLD YOU SO, YOU ****ING JACK-ASS (and I heart you, too, juke (seriously – juke’s awesome – but she totally kicked me when I was down (but I still love her)))

or

2. Said: Hey. I know where you’re coming from. Let me pat your leg and tell you a little story about my own problems…

Of all the stories I heard, I think Rachel’s was my favorite.

It was also the shortest. It doesn’t even qualify as a story. She just read a few choice quotes to me from emails her “boyfriend” had sent her.

Check this sweetness out, my brothas…

Directly from one of his emails:

You should take responsibility for your mistakes, and take it for mine.

Yeah. One human being actually said that to another and was serious about it. I’m pretty sure this guy escaped from the tard farm. I don’t know how he wound up with Rachel (she’s cool and stuff – after chatting with me, I went back to her apartment and she played Ravel and Debussy for me on her piano – and did it well – it was awesome).

Then:

Let's not argue too much, Rachel. It does affect me.

I was seriously going to go on a quest this year to find a bigger asshole than myself, but Rachel put an end to that by bringing his work right to me.

One part of me is incredibly offended that he would say such a thing, while another part has to respect this bastard just a little for having the nerve to consider arguments OK up until they hurt him, too. That’s a genuine Idiot Male.

He also had some neat ideas about how to conduct relationships.

For example, he, as far as I know, invented the Closet Talk.

From what I was told, when you have a Closet Talk, your crazy boyfriend tells you that he wants to talk to you about his feelings, but that he can’t talk to you in a normal room where it’s light, and that you’re both going to have to go in the closet to discuss your feelings. Face to face. In the dark.

Then, while in there, and after he’s sent you emails containing quotes like the ones above, he says, “I'm finally beginning to think that a long term relationship might not be possible between us.”

When Rachel told me, I tried to picture the look on her face when he said this to her. But you know what? I couldn’t.

Because they were in a bloody closet.

Do any of you have stories like this? How do people get to be so… I don’t know… stupid?

Published Saturday, July 01, 2006 5:53 AM by Rory

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Comments

 

George said:

I was sitting here thinking about what story I could tell, I had some "odd' girlfriends but they didn't necessarily do anything that abnormally stupid like "closet talk". Extreme jealousy, extreme obsession, talked to bats and ghosts, obsessed with intellectualism for the sake of intellectualism, but no "closet talk" caliber sort of stupidity.

Then I suddenly realized, if I don't have stories about them I bet I AM the story. I'm the stupid boyfriend that Rachel sits down at a Starbucks and tells a short story about crazy George to Rory about.

Man, this is a hard pill to swallow. Well, since I have a gag reflex, all pills are kind of hard to swallow. But still, I'm going to have to hunt around for a bottle of something that sets the veins on fire to wash this one down.
July 1, 2006 6:13 AM
 

Rory said:

George -

"Extreme jealousy, extreme obsession"

I've been the idiot on the originating end of those qualities. Probably no better way to ruin a relationship.

"...talked to bats and ghosts"

But I haven't ever done *that*.

At least not with a straight face.

Well, maybe the bats. I mean...

Never mind.

"obsessed with intellectualism for the sake of intellectualism"

That's probably in the top five qualities a person can have that will put them on my No-Fly list.

I hate that crap.
July 1, 2006 6:19 AM
 

George said:

Rory -

""obsessed with intellectualism for the sake of intellectualism"

That's probably in the top five qualities a person can have that will put them on my No-Fly list. "

Yep, to this day all someone has to do is tell me they were (or are) an English major and I am immediately predisposed to dislike them unfortunately. It left that much of an impression up on me. And just like puking up after drinking a fifth of tequila and no longer being able to around limes, I similarly have trouble being around English majors (does that make sense?)

The extreme jealousy was unfortunately a two way street. It was my first relationship and boy did I learn a lot.

My biggest "closet talk" moment was talking marriage way to fast with the girls that I dated. I actually made a promise to my second girlfriend that I would never do that again to another girl. But that promise came back to screw me because I almost missed marrying my wife because I wasn't talking about it.

So I raise my hand and my glass to being stupid. I've been jealous, I've been callous, I've been clingy, I've been controlling, I've been too uncaring, I've been close minded, I've been open minded. I've been stupid, because I'm alive.

Is that an Alanis Morissette song? I guess not because I didn't say I've been a bitch. Oh, there we go. I just wrote a number one hit.

July 1, 2006 6:31 AM
 

can you i have some of your mistakes? i don't have said:

>I was seriously going to go on a quest this year to find a bigger asshole than myself, but Rachel put an end to that by bringing his work right to me.

try goatse.cx

>For example, he, as far as I know, invented the Closet Talk.
thats classic. how old was this boy? really?

>How do people get to be so… I don’t know… stupid?
like talent - either your born with it - or your not. but don't get yourself down rorie - i'm sure your good at other things. like trash golf - and beating up water

July 1, 2006 6:56 AM
 

Rory said:

My dear kiwi,

"thats classic. how old was this boy? really?"

Nearly 50.

Word, huh?
July 1, 2006 7:16 AM
 

anonymouse said:

That *is* strange.

It was once said to me that what appears normal in a relationship between 2 people never survives the scrutiny of a wider audience.

I don't understand the closet business - I mean, it's not like the other person isn't going to know who's speaking. Unless they both enter separately, via different entrances. :-)

Seriosuly, sounds more like a kink than a rational thing to do.

Or maybe we are being unfair and he is from Narnia.

July 1, 2006 8:22 AM
 

JoeG said:

Well, at least he didn't tell her that he hadn't been in love with her for the last 6 years of their 9 year marriage. Come to think of it, I do feel fortunate that my ex-wife didn't tell me that...IN A CLOSET.

I suppose not being in love with your spouse anymore doesn't qualify as stupidity (I'm not that arrogant); it's the NOT TELLING ME FOR 6 FREAKIN' YEARS part.

Ok Rory, back to your life...
July 1, 2006 3:18 PM
 

Anonymous said:

Wow. For the first time I've been glad that all my breakups have been so cliche:

"It's not you, it's me."

"I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you."

[paraphrased] "We can't keep dating because that might lead to marriage, and I can't marry a non-Christian."

Sheesh, if Congress is just itching to amend the Constitution these days, why not do something practical and make it legal to shoot anyone who breaks up with you and then says, "But we can still be friends."

Thanks for the perspective, Rory and Co.
July 1, 2006 3:48 PM
 

Dogly Chipface said:

In a closet, eh? I thought those were only used for hanging coats and hiding your true sexuality...
And Rory, about your work being 'uncomfortable and soul-bearing', dont ever change that. The greatest things in life make people a little uncomfortable, just look at <A HREF= "http://www.electronichealing.co.uk/products/images/massager3.gif">massagers</a> and <A HREF= "http://imagesoftheworld.org/washington/DSCF0015.JPG">the Washington Monument</a>. Uncomfortable! And for the soul-bearing, is there really anything wrong with putting your soul into our work?
July 1, 2006 4:18 PM
 

Psycho Matt said:

Oh, I was in a non-relationship with some girl for a while. She flipped out over me stealing second base because people would think we're a couple. Of course, at the time, we were making out (in a public location). If that isn't psychotic, then I probably forgot to take my meds. And tequila.
July 2, 2006 7:19 AM
 

Ola said:

That was just hilarious. I was just cracking up.
August 14, 2006 11:44 PM
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