Dear Diary,

I had a wonderful experience this morning which confirms what I have always suspected about myself.

I used to think that my only skills were being outrageously handsome, intelligent, charming, and successful, but it looks like I'm lucky, too.

I bought a big tea this morning. I knew when I was buying it that I was going to spill it. I didn't know when, but it was obviously going to happen.

The tea made it to the office without any problems. My car is fine (I know you were worried about that, Diary). My clothes are fine, too.

But when I set my tea down on my desk, I moved my purse (some call it a "Man Bag," but we know the truth, don't we, Diary?) and accidentally bumped into the tea, causing it to stop being in a normal, upright position (that's a stupid way of saying that I knocked it over).

Here's the lucky part.

When it fell over, tea came out.

OK - That's not really the lucky part. This is.

You won't believe it, diary, but the tea spilled all over a pile of paper towels.

Yeah. That's right. My mess cleaned itself up. All I had to do was throw away the paper towels. I don't even know why they were there in the first place. It's like I knew I was going to spill tea there. I guess you can add to the list of talents that I also have ESP, just like the junkie artist on "Heroes." Yay.

In other good news, my podcast, The Smartest Man in the World, has grown to about 9,000 downloads a month. That's awesome, Diary. It means that more people are listening to it now than last month, or the month before that, or the month before that.

Kind of makes me wish I somehow made money from all this crap.

But I don't.

Anyway, it's clear now that people who aren't totally stupid are listening to my show. Only people that suck don't listen to it.

Do you know any people like that, Diary? I sure hope not. They sound like pathetic, rotten, terrible creatures.

Unlike my listeners, who are kind, gentle, brilliant souls.

Life is good, Diary. Really, really good.

For once.