I have *so* little sympathy for you, mister "I'm posting my birthdate in the headline of my website". And then, to further draw attention, I'm not only going to post a "complaint", but I'll take the time to make a video? And then fail to post it properly so people can actually watch it?! Sorry, hon, but I don't buy it.

ps: I think I met your long-lost french twin in new york last week. When you're done pouting about your birthday give me a ring and we can catch up.

I'm cuckoo?

**I'M** cuckoo?

I just have three words for you, Mr. Blyth: "placenta pot pie."  Jebus effing Christmas on a Popsicle stick.

Thanks, however, for dropping the reference to li'l ol' me; my ego is now totally stoked that Mr. Placenta Pot Pie mentioned me in a birthday-themed video, even if I've now been officially designated as 'cuckoo.'  I guess it takes one to know one....

Happy being alive for thirty years!

Oh cheer up. Only a few more days and you join the rest of us in being bummed out by Christmas...

I didn't want to... but I had to...

I didn't know about your birthday. So... I didn't send a text with "happy birthday Rory". I didn't as well because I don't have your mobile number...

I know you don't care about this but know that... I wish you happy birthday Rory, anyway.

I don't know why people do that. Why they celebrate their birthdays. Maybe they want to now that others remember about them, maybe something else. I don't know. I don't have time to think about that. I am too busy looking for happiness in my life.


But let me tell you something.
You look angry Rory. You look angry because of something I don't know... and I don't like it. I am not kinda of therapy guy or so to know why you are angry... but you are.

I lead different life, in different place and with different people.
Sometime ago I was angry too. I was angry because of many different things. Don't want to say what things here...

I was angry so much that I started to look for an answer.
I found it, or maybe... it has found me. It was the answer.
It hanged my life and filled me up. from this time I started to look at the world by different way. I was really happy person. I thought that I founded the answer for few very important questions. Actually I found the answer for the most important question... that not only me were wondering about.

I am still happy, because I could answer myself and complete a part of the puzzles called "life".

So, now you know that aristo knows the answer. probably nothing else. It may sound stupid. But I just try to tell you something but I cannot do that straight. I tried to do that in case of other people... I tried to tell them where is real joy they can find ( and where is the answer of coz) but they just didn't get it.
I learned that I can just pass that to the others.

What I try to say? I try to say that...
I don't know. You probably wont get it either, even when I tried to pass the message, not by very straight away...
You probably will think.. Ooh, this guy is... crazy... nuts.

I feel like a messenger... unable to speak.

Happy birthday Rory!

Mariusz

I just read my post.
I never read them when I finish typing, and before I post them, which it probably wrong because... I could make my english better :-)

No, it is not truth. I just don't see my keyboard because it is dark here, that is the way I do spelling (and probably grammar too) mistakes.

But I read my post and I think... that I am nuts.
Anyway, it looks like posted by nut.

Mariusz

ps. thanks for comment on my blog. It was nice.
I read it two hundred times....  maybe not really, but I will, I promise!
I still wait for something new on .thesmartestman. I listened to your new trailer but... I didn't like it. I missed this old style you had there before.

I hereby withdraw my birthday wishes and offer a simple Happy Roryday, instead.

I recommend that you not use the placenta setting on your microwave. It leeches out all the vitamins... I'll send you a placenta cook-book for your (6.67*10-11Nm2kg-2)'th burfday.

((((-491,520/4,096)*-1

*-1???
What??? That's not allowed in math. Shame on you, you illiterate!

Well, we can tell that Mr. Whiney Rory didn't get what he wanted for his Birthday...  

We're hearing enough complaining about the holiday season, and now those whose birthdays are near it are complaining too. It's too much.

To those who are geographically nearer to Rory, it is clear that he is suffering because he did not receive his 29+1 (or whatever) birthday beatings. Please, someone, rectify this situation so Mr. Blyth can truly have a happy birthday. :)

I'm always one to watch out for other people's happiness. No need to thank me, Rory, you're always welcome.

This hails back to the glorious days of Panda Control. Very cool.

I miss Panda Control.

Sarah -

"I have *so* little sympathy for you, mister 'I'm posting my birthdate in the headline of my website'."

I made that image because, although it didn't need to be advertised, I'm proud of just how macho I am - macho enough to run farm machinery for three decades straight solely on my machoness.

That it communicated my birthday was an undesired side-effect.

"And then, to further draw attention, I'm not only going to post a "complaint", but I'll take the time to make a video? And then fail to post it properly so people can actually watch it?! Sorry, hon, but I don't buy it."

It's not just a complaint about my birthday - it's a complaint about how, when the celebration is directed at greatness, the wrong thing is celebrated.

We should be celebrating my talents, or my body; not my birthday.

"ps: I think I met your long-lost french twin in new york last week. When you're done pouting about your birthday give me a ring and we can catch up."

I'm not interested in meeting a long-lost French twin.

Have you seen the movie "Twins"? I don't know who this guy is, but he's my Danny DeVito.

As for the social call - provided we don't spend too much time on the subject of this "twin", I'm happy to get together.

Astrid -

"I'm cuckoo?"

Yes.

"**I'M** cuckoo?"

Yes.

"I just have three words for you, Mr. Blyth: 'placenta pot pie.'  Jebus effing Christmas on a Popsicle stick."

Well *I* have three words for *you*: People really do eat the placenta, and that isn't just nuts - it's effing disgusting. My take on placenta consumption is no madder than the compulsion to eat the thing in the first place.

"Thanks, however, for dropping the reference to li'l ol' me; my ego is now totally stoked that Mr. Placenta Pot Pie mentioned me in a birthday-themed video, even if I've now been officially designated as 'cuckoo.'  I guess it takes one to know one...."

I celebrate.

"Happy being alive for thirty years!"

Again, this is the wrong message. Being alive is something people just Do.

Rephrase: "Happy being awesome for your entire life and then some, you hunky genius."

Dave -

"Oh cheer up. Only a few more days and you join the rest of us in being bummed out by Christmas..."

I've been hating Christmas since 2005.

You know how stores have been putting Christmas stuff on the shelves earlier and earlier every year? To the point that, eventually, you'll have to buy your Christmas lights *after* Christmas?

Well, that's my bah-humbug-ness.

Except it's all year round.

Aristo -

"You look angry Rory. You look angry because of something I don't know... and I don't like it. I am not kinda of therapy guy or so to know why you are angry... but you are."

I *am* an angry guy, but I love doing these videos. If anger came through, it was an accident.

It's hard to tell sometimes when I'm serious, as I deadpan everything.

Over the years, it's gotten to the point that most people, including friends and family, have no idea when I'm joking.

I take no offense to the interpretation, though if you watch it again with the understanding that I'm joking all the way through, I think you'll see something other than Mr. Angrypants...

"But I read my post and I think... that I am nuts."

I didn't get that impression at all. There's a language/cultural barrier (in both directions), and I take that into account. We might not write or think in the same ways, but we'll eventually find some middle ground where your people and my people can coexist :)

"ps. thanks for comment on my blog. It was nice."

Sorry I didn't comment more - I'm a really distracted/absent-minded guy. I'll go out to a blog, read something that interests me, and then I'll wander off, get lost in a site about twenty-dollar bill conspiracy theories, and then go watch season one of Battlestar Galactica from start to finish without a break.

"I still wait for something new on .thesmartestman. I listened to your new trailer but... I didn't like it. I missed this old style you had there before."

I talked to Carl, and the plan is to continue The Smartest Man in the World in the original format, but with the new format as a supplement. As we refine it, I think the new one is going to get to be much better, but it isn't going to replace the show as it is - just add to it.

So, if people don't like the new format, they can just download the original. For the people who like both, both will be there.

I think it'll work out well...

Andrew -

"I hereby withdraw my birthday wishes and offer a simple Happy Roryday, instead."

THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE, PEOPLE.

Thank you, Andrew. I appreciate your ability to adapt to new situations and traditions.

I return the compliment - I hope Andrew Year '08 is everything you've always wanted.

Russell -

"I recommend that you not use the placenta setting on your microwave. It leeches out all the vitamins..."

But what if I'm getting home from a long day of... sitting around, and I don't want to slave over placenta burritos (or whatever I'm making)?

Some people have the luxury of working with fresh placenta, but I have to buy either the highly processed Oscar Meyer Placenta Flaps, or I have to pick it up from the frozen aisle.

"I'll send you a placenta cook-book for your (6.67*10-11Nm2kg-2)'th burfday."

Your solution is short. That makes it unacceptable.

People could actually write that down.

Petar -

"What??? That's not allowed in math. Shame on you, you illiterate!"

All the better.

It worked for me, but if it's not allowed, then people should have more difficulty than I'd hoped.

I'm a visionary.

Also, it's my birthday, and I can change math if I want to. Getting to bend the rules and break the law might be the only benefits of birthdays. I do those things anyway, but people think I'm an asshole for it, whereas it's totally socially acceptable if it's on, or around, the day I was born.

Wow. That's a whole other can of burfday-is-stupid worms.

That sounded a bit like Rory for "I'm turning thirty and it sucks and I don't want to hear about it being my birthday anymore".  After the pathetic disgrace that was my last birthday, I'd be thrilled over forty-seven minutes of happy birthday on my voicemail.  And I'm way more than thirty.  

(Sqrt(785925/87325)+( -0.010510510510510510510510510510511 * -666)+1.777465788800254846897398489566)*PI+.0000002

Besides, it's soooo after your birthday now.   Merry Christmas!

(still, that was good stuff, keep it up)

Celes -

"Well, we can tell that Mr. Whiney Rory didn't get what he wanted for his Birthday..."

You're absolutely right.

Against my order that birthday wishes and presents not be given, I still received boxes to open/store and all manner of time-consuming messages to read and listen to.

"We're hearing enough complaining about the holiday season, and now those whose birthdays are near it are complaining too. It's too much."

I think my situation is special - my birthday is so close to Christmas that I can consolidate my complaints into one elegant set.

Also, it sucks having a birthday close to Christmas - people with summer burfdays can bitch about them then - I have to do it around Christmas, and that leaves people - like you - feeling that those of us crippled by December births have gone overboard with the Truth.

Well, I won't have it.

Christmas makes me sad, my birthday is just another day that doesn't need celebration, and New Year's only gets me into trouble.

These holidays need to go. We need to get Carnival up here. *There's* a celebration.

"To those who are geographically nearer to Rory, it is clear that he is suffering because he did not receive his 29+1 (or whatever) birthday beatings. Please, someone, rectify this situation so Mr. Blyth can truly have a happy birthday. :)"

I actually did want to get in a fight. I made a lot of eye-contact and bumped into a lot of shoulders.

Fortunately, nothing happened, as I'm terribly small compared to the people I was running into. What saved me, I think, is that they think I'm a girl, and therefore are societally prohibited from punching me, despite the precedent set by the new Battlestar Galactica for intergender fisticuffs.

Some of my favorite scenes are when Starbuck decks a guy, and the guy punches back. She's on the same level - there's no discrimination.

She can also kick their asses, which is satisfying as hell.

On top of it, Katie Sackhoff is a Portland/Oregon girl. The strange thing is that I, along with many of my friends, could tell before we knew.

Odd. There must be a Portland/Oregon evolution of Homo-Sapiens-Sapiens.

We are, obviously, superior.

Our women can punch senior officers in the mouth, and, unlike so many bullshit requirements of television/movies, be sexy as hell while wearing "a few extra pounds" (compared with any other vaginally-enhanced ladies on the TV). Also, they can be scrappers, scruffy, and so thoroughly awesome that it makes me want to weep with Portland Pride.

My favorite girls out here are scruffy.

I just remarked the extensiveness of this tangent.

The point is, women should be allowed to punch men, and, if you're Captain Apollo, you should be allowed to punch back - it's out of love, betrayal, and other turbulent emotions that are difficult to articulate without physical expression.

Also, when Starbuck smokes cigars, it's hot.

I admire the cockiness of her character. She's insane, she flaunts it, and she speaks her mind without concern of what others think.

But, as I was saying, women should be allowed to punch men in the face because they're angry or offended.

Furthermore, the scene in the mini-series when she decks Tigh and then has to be restrained is, again, all kinds of sexy. He's an asshole, and she has no respect for the chain of command - he deserved to get hit, and she would have gone on to fuck him up had the others not held her back.

To get back to the point, even though these guys may have thought I was a girl, they should have taken me on, and then I could have punched them and run away.

If it's like BSG, they would have put me in the brig to cool my heels, and I would have passed the time doing push-ups until I got out because Adama needs all the Viper pilots he can get. Then I would have taken pride in the bruise forming on the face of the bastard who thought that, because of his status, he could be a prick and get away with it without repercussions.

So, to wrap this up, I like it when Starbuck smokes and hits people.

"I'm always one to watch out for other people's happiness. No need to thank me, Rory, you're always welcome."

I thank you for the sentiment, though my happiness is currently being regulated by Lamictal, and it's doing a fabulous job.

I like that others are concerned with my happiness - please continue. Just know that, due to the meds, it's probably not going to need much monitoring.

Erwin -

"This hails back to the glorious days of Panda Control. Very cool."

Those were fun days, but very time-consuming, and *very* expensive.

I had big plans for it, but I think the idea behind the site was either lost on most people or not communicated well enough.

I still love the idea of creating a faux Enron style company and telling the story through the adventures of the two principal (only) employees, each of whom has been saddles with at least a dozen titles.

Maybe I'll go after something like that again someday. In the meantime, I'm too busy with other projects that need doing, rather than projects I simply want to do.

"I miss Panda Control."

Yeah.

I still get out the site plan and read it from time to time, as well as the videos.

Unfortunately, a lot of the footage is so scattered that I don't know where it all is. Worse, the hard drive most of it is stored on isn't working properly.

Don't know when I'll be able to recover it all. That drive is currently 160 miles from here.

So, it kind of sucks, but I still get that little bit of the Good Old Days in the form of those half-baked videos.

I think my favorites were the news shows starring Jason Olson. I had to pat myself on the back for dressing him in garbage bags, a tie, a "war era German helmet" (let's not get any more specific than that), a gas mask, and then having him attack a ham with a machete.

Where else are you going to see that?

Nowhere.

The Cowboy -

"That sounded a bit like Rory for 'I'm turning thirty and it sucks and I don't want to hear about it being my birthday anymore'."

It's been suggested, but only by people who haven't known me for the other nineteen years during which I exhibited the same behavior.

It's not getting older - I truly don't mind it at all (I wrote up quite the post about it, but deemed it too aggressive and angry).

Birthday parties bother me the most. I don't like people assembling to give me things, to praise me for this superficial thing, and then leaving without getting anything out of it.

It's an obligation; not a celebration.

"After the pathetic disgrace that was my last birthday, I'd be thrilled over forty-seven minutes of happy birthday on my voicemail."

It goes both ways.

Had I gotten no birthday messages, even though they annoy me, I'd have been a tad depressed.

But, I'd rather be a little depressed than greatly annoyed.

I hate - HATE - voicemail.

I know people meant well, but voicemail is so demanding. Like "real" mail, it demands too much of your time and attention.

Yep. I don't care for my burfday one bit, and haven't for years and years and years...

"Also, it sucks having a birthday close to Christmas - people with summer burfdays can bitch about them then - I have to do it around Christmas, and that leaves people - like you - feeling that those of us crippled by December births have gone overboard with the Truth."

Testify! My birthday is Monday, which -- for those of you without a calendar in your heads -- is Christmas Eve. I have to share my birthday with Jesus Horatius Christ. Many is the year I've celebrated my birthday by driving or flying somewhere, dealing with thousands of people who couldn't care less because they're all focused on the following day. Well, screw them all -- Monday is MY day, dammit, and they're better start giving me the respect I deserve.

Er, except that my brother-in-law's ex-girlfriend's birthday is Christmas itself, so I can't complain in her hearing. Screwed again!

"Birthday parties bother me the most. I don't like people assembling to give me things, to praise me for this superficial thing, and then leaving without getting anything out of it."

That's why some friends and I are getting together for lunch tomorrow. We'll have good and unhealthy food, and no one has to feel that it's all about me, me, ME! Even if it is.

"people with summer burfdays can bitch about them then"

I've never heard of a person with a summer birthday who bitches about it. They have bbq and swim in lakes.

"I have to do it around Christmas, and that leaves people - like you - feeling that those of us crippled by December births have gone overboard with the Truth."

Crippled by Dec births? As testified on my blog, my birthday is next to the holiday I hate the most. Maybe people just naturally hate the holidays near their birthday. I don't know. But then, I've had good birthdays, I've had bad ones.  I always get a voicemail from the little bro who always says (or sings) something that cracks me up.

The birthday before last will likely never be topped.

There was strip Dr. Mario in my apartment.

There was no alcohol (or other substances)- and it wasn't my idea- it just happened. Later, after everyone was minus some clothes) we painted on each other with watercolor pastels like the bunch of artists we are. One of my friends slept in it for some dumb reason and he was colorful for a few days. :) People also brought very good food to boot.

I've also had some birthdays that have made me feel like a *very* lonely and worthless person. *shrug* I have found the key is to throw a party (that isn't so much a birthday party, more a gathering of your favorite weirdos) or invite a single weirdo over to cause mischief. I agree with Andrew about good food. Sushi always makes me happy. Then again, Dr. Mario makes me pretty happy too.

And about women punching men, as a woman who has to assert she indeed *is* indeed a woman on this blog, I say why the hell not? I haven't been in a physical fight in a really long time, but if the situation was right, I'd do it again. And yes, contrary to popular belief, men will fight back. One of the last fights I got in my wrist sprained by a guy. I was told I sprained the guy's finger, so at least it wasn't one sided. And I got a lot of flack for it... after all, he was beating on my boyfriend, and well... the boyfriend wasn't too greatful.

...and any 'prezzies' you don't want from burfday you could always regift at this time of year. It's almost like they do your shopping for you.

"my birthday is so close to Christmas that I can consolidate my complaints into one elegant set. "

Good point. You're being so much more economical than most holiday-birthday hating people.

"I actually did want to get in a fight. I made a lot of eye-contact and bumped into a lot of shoulders."

Did you get drunk and obnoxious and belligerent? No? Then you weren't *really* trying.

Also, an aside, birthday beatings have nothing to do with fighting. The birthday person is held down and punched the number of times equal to one's age. You don't get to hit back. And everyone is allowed one run at your age, so they can take turns holding you down. Have you never heard of this custom?

"New Year's only gets me into trouble."

I don't even want to think about last new years. I'm going to NYC to visit my best friend. I'm hoping at least if I do get into trouble, I'll be in good hands and have some fun doing it.

"I thank you for the sentiment, though my happiness is currently being regulated by Lamictal, and it's doing a fabulous job."

Regulation or not, prescription drugs cannot replace the intimacy and caring nature of birthday beatings. Please, someone, help Rory out here. He's *suffering* dammit. It's his *birthday* and he needs some coloring about the legs and shoulders.

I'm so sorry that I cannot be there for you in your time of need, Rory.

"It's hard to tell sometimes when I'm serious, as I deadpan everything."

Sarcasm is an art that is sometimes lost on people. And then, sarcasm can be both joking and serious at the same time which makes it even more complicated. But I love the many levels of words... and without smartassedness and sarcasm, I would have no idea how to even speak. I just assume if people need clarification, they'll speak up. And if not, I really don't care. I have no patience for people who take me too seriously and then don't even let me know there was a misunderstanding.

That makes me scary, like I might punch someone. But it's time I go to the brig and work on my abs anyways.

Rory: "Birthday parties bother me the most. I don't like people assembling to give me things, to praise me for this superficial thing, and then leaving without getting anything out of it."

I feel SO much better about not getting the invite now.  I'd help you out with the whole beating thing but around here it's a spanking not a beating and that would just be kindof awkward because hey, you're awesome and all that, but....  um....  sorry man.  I'll see if Katie Sackhoff is available....  No I won't, I don't know her personally.  Sorry.  If I did though......

Celes: "There was strip Dr. Mario in my apartment."

I need friends like yours.  That's NEVER happened on MY birthday.  Ever.

"Maybe people just naturally hate the holidays near their birthday."

Nah, I love Halloween!  Best holiday ever!  Ever!

Andrew: "I have to share my birthday with Jesus Horatius Christ."

THANK YOU!!!  FINALLY!!!!  I FINALLY know what the H. stands for!  Woohoo!  That's been bothering me for most of my life!!!!   (that's, like, a really long time)

Congratz on your 30th, Rory!  Good to see that you are as prodigious in your works as ever, if not more so!  To many more years!
Cheers,
Dominic of the Untidy House

-- wait, no, I mean never mind about your birthday.  Happy festivus!! :P

Wait, was it your birthday? damn I missed wishing you a happy one. still, I *did* give you a present. I gave you 30 seconds of your life back by not having to listen to a voicemail from me.
it's ok, you don't need to thank me (I hate voicemail too)

I think that a lot of what you did in and learned from the Panda Control project will come up in one form or another in what you do now and in the future.

Ok, enough Oprah-speak. Go make more great stuff.

"Er, except that my brother-in-law's ex-girlfriend's birthday is Christmas itself, so I can't complain in her hearing. Screwed again!"

There's one couple (that I know indirectly) whose birthdays are 25th and 26th december, which are called the first and second day of christmas over here. These are official holidays and everyone is doing the christmas thingy. I don't know how they go about it, but I do know about their birthdays being those days.

As for me, on my birthday about 5 people come visit and that's how I like it. I have no problem everyone or no-one showing up, but I stopped fussing about it either way a long time ago.

Andrew -

"Testify! My birthday is Monday, which -- for those of you without a calendar in your heads -- is Christmas Eve."

Whiner!

"That's why some friends and I are getting together for lunch tomorrow. We'll have good and unhealthy food, and no one has to feel that it's all about me, me, ME! Even if it is."

That's much better than a Personal Me Party.

A friend took me out on my birthday, but it was so blatantly a birthday dinner that I found it hard to feel comfortable.

However, I did enjoy driving around afterward, talking to her about everything on my mind, which was a lot. I think I talked for about three hours straight, and she tolerated it because it was my birthday.

That's pretty good. And, since we're all adults, we're all responsible for our decisions - if you decide to celebrate someone's birthday with him, then you must take on the burden of enduring his company.

This birthday thing is actually starting to sound good. I could turn it around and use the occasion/parties to punish the people I love.

Celes -

"I've also had some birthdays that have made me feel like a *very* lonely and worthless person."

See, that's where I'm completely different. It might be all the attention focused on my person that gets me thinking about the things I *don't* have.

If nobody says anything, I can continue on through the day as normal, never once thinking about whether I'm lonely or depressed (at leas not any more than usual).

"And I got a lot of flack for it... after all, he was beating on my boyfriend, and well... the boyfriend wasn't too greatful."

I'd love for a girlfriend to kick the ass of someone who's bugging me. Even if I'm not in danger - just to say, "Hey - I care."

But I've never had that.

Someday...

"Did you get drunk and obnoxious and belligerent? No? Then you weren't *really* trying."

I'm always obnoxious, and belligerence isn't difficult to manifest.

I can't really drink, so booze doesn't work as a catalyst for me. I get terrible migraines, and often go blind. I've indulged a couple times recently, and I feel like crap.

Plus, instead of getting more extroverted than normal, I get very quiet after a while.

These are not the proper conditions under which to seek ought fisticuffs.

"Also, an aside, birthday beatings have nothing to do with fighting. The birthday person is held down and punched the number of times equal to one's age. You don't get to hit back. And everyone is allowed one run at your age, so they can take turns holding you down. Have you never heard of this custom?"

The last time my friends ganged up on me (my leg was in a brace from a skiing accident), I punched everybody and kicked one guy in the stomach until he realized that I didn't appreciate being aggressed while I could barely walk - this was on the ice, by the by.

They all went home and stopped calling.

I don't react well to being punched.

"Regulation or not, prescription drugs cannot replace the intimacy and caring nature of birthday beatings."

No; they can't.

But they can certainly try.

BRING IT ON, PEOPLE. LET'S HAVE A BURFDAY BEATING! ME 'N YOU! BIDIRECTIONAL!

(Just don't hit me in my beautiful face.)

"Sarcasm is an art that is sometimes lost on people."

It is, but in this case there's a substantial language/cultural barrier between Aristo 'n me, so the misunderstanding makes sense.

The Cowboy -

"I feel SO much better about not getting the invite now."

There were invites?

Dominic -

"-- wait, no, I mean never mind about your birthday.  Happy festivus!! :P"

Thank you :)

Ian -

"Wait, was it your birthday? damn I missed wishing you a happy one. still, I *did* give you a present. I gave you 30 seconds of your life back by not having to listen to a voicemail from me."

Thank you for missing wishing me a happy one and for allowing me to spend those thirty seconds of my life doing something else.

It adds up.

RORY IS WRONG!!!

Did no one notice the whole crux of "Mr. I'm Too Cool For Birthdays" (with a "TH") is INCORRECT? We are not surrounded by placentas when we're born; the placenta merely follows us into this planet like a mushy, bloody usher.

When arrive surrounded by the AMNIOTIC SAC (aka "amnion), *not* the placenta. This is where we hung out while in the womb:

http://medical.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/medical

The placenta is, as Rory attests, a big, mushy chunk of goop which does in fact look like a fruit-roll-up-deflated-jellyfish or whatever, but again, it's a (temporary) vascular organ, connected to the fetus, which *follows* the baby's exit:

http://medical.merriam-webster.com/medical/placenta

HA HA HA HA HAAAAA! Even China Girl know such basic birthday stuff...HA HA HA HA HAAAA! Whatchu going to do with floppy-flop mis-informed birthday movie now?

Rory, based on His Highness' barfday reaction I don't wish you a Merry Christmas nor do I wish you a Happy New Year. Who cares about what I wish anyway!

Have a nice time nevertheless.

"What saved me, I think, is that they think I'm a girl"

Rory the man-seducer.

Is it a man? Is it a woman? Do I really mind? Look at that hair!

Have a crap burfday and a shitty new year :D

"Rory the man-seducer. Is it a man? Is it a woman? Do I really mind? Look at that hair!" - Lloyd_Humph

The 80s taught us ambiguity of gender is hot. I see no reason to dispute.

"I need friends like yours.  That's NEVER happened on MY birthday.  Ever." - The Cowboy

I miss my P-land pals. Spend bunches of money you don't have on a small art school in Portland, ME and you too can have friends like these. I have stories it's best I kept to myself on the net- if I can manage the self-censorship. But strip Dr. Mario was pretty common knowledge the day after, except people kept getting the crux of it wrong. "I heard you played strip Super Mario." C'mon people.

"I'd love for a girlfriend to kick the ass of someone who's bugging me. Even if I'm not in danger - just to say, "Hey - I care."" - Rory

Right? I thought I was being pretty romantic if you ask me. No appreciation.

"These are not the proper conditions under which to seek ought fisticuffs."

I can see we're going to have to work on this.

"They all went home and stopped calling.
I don't react well to being punched."

That sounded like you had the proper reaction, Rory. I guess some people are just so giving that they can't take the same kindness back.

"(Just don't hit me in my beautiful face.)"

Birthday beatings are not of the face. This ritual usually consists of beating of the legs (known as the sacred 'Charlie horse') and the ass (as Cowboy has referred to 'spanking'). Birthday beatings are serious love taps, not meant to seriously inflict pain or injury. Fisticuffs is not usually for birthdays or ones your love, and that is where you would have to worry about your face and other things.

"I'd help you out with the whole beating thing but around here it's a spanking not a beating and that would just be kindof awkward because hey, you're awesome and all that, but....  um...." -Cowboy

C'mon, Cowboy, be a true friend... andvideotapeitandputitonutube. I think you're confusing and combining this with the strip Dr. Mario. You can have your clothes on for this.

The psychological condition that precludes me from total vacation relaxation has not abated this year.

The psychological condition that precludes me from total vacation relaxation has not abated this year

PingBack from http://msdnrss.thecoderblogs.com/2007/12/30/like-math-vacations-are-hard/

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You're obviously ONLY a math minor.

Also, your hair looks bloody ah-mayz-ink.